nullEverybody knows that any racial dispute can be defused simply by adding alcohol to the situation, and with that in mind, President Obama invited Henry Gates and Officer Crowley over for a beer to push the “reset” button and try to convince Crowley how he was profiling and didn’t even know it.

Gates has accepted Obama’s offer, so it sounds like the table is set for a nice, well-rounded and fair meeting. That’s because Crowley might not show up, because he has yet to accept the invite.

The only condition under which I’d like to see Crowley accept the invitation is if he brings his mother and lets Gates literally meet his mama outside.

I’m not comfortable in the least whenever a citizen gets arrested on his own property when he didn’t commit any kind of crime — maybe that’s a policy issue for the police department to address — but for the president and the “victim” to immediately attribute the arrest to racism further sours race relations they claim to be trying to heal, but maybe that’s by design.

Besides, it’s not like the cop just showed up on his own to arrest a black guy. Somebody called the police. If there’s a racist to be found, maybe Gates should start by talking to some of his own neighbors.

You know, this situation would make for a good Bud Light ad:

Bud Light presents: Real men of race-baiting (♫ “Reeaaal men of race-baitiiiiinnnng…” ♫)

Today, we salute you, Mr. anti-racial profiling racial profiler guy. (♫ “Mr. Anti-Racial Profiling Racial Profiler Guy!” ♫)

Armed with knowledge of a long history of past injustice and a laundry list of “yo mama” jokes, you proudly defend yourself against the racist cop who showed up assuming you were a crook. And why? Because somehow that racist made one of your own neighbors call the cops on you. (♫ “Put that night-stick away!” ♫)

Undaunted in your quest to prove that the best way to win the long struggle to end profiling is by assuming that all white cops are racists, you demonstrate that oppression has to have been experienced to be understood. And who better understands the nightmare of minority oppression in America than a university professor who earns a high six-figure salary and has summers off?

So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh beacon of blind assumptions. Because ironically, even though the honkies are out to get you, you’ll always be welcome in the White House.

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