Who Throws More Like a Girl, Barack or Michelle? We’ll Find Out Tonight

Tonight, Michelle Obama takes the mound, presumably to plant a garden on it and then toss out the first pitch at game one of the World Series between the Phillies and Yankees. She’ll be joined by a wounded veteran.

After the game tonight we can compare Michelle O’s pitch to her husband’s pitch at this year’s All-Star game to see whose throw is the most girlie. Hopefully Barack gave Michelle her jeans back after his first pitch so she can wear them tonight.

I don’t think Michelle will need as much assistance in going through with the pitch as her husband did though:

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Ah-Nuld Has a Test for Those of You Who Like to Decipher Cryptic Messages

Via HotAirPundit, here’s an interesting letter that Kahl-ee-fuah-knee-ah Governor Schwarzenegger wrote to the California State Legislature.

First some brief background info:

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger typically attaches a message to bills he signs or vetoes telling lawmakers why he took the action.

A Democratic assemblyman who heckled the governor during a recent event in San Francisco actually received two messages: the veto letter itself and a not-so-subtle rebuke creatively hidden within it.

See if you can find the cryptic message:

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Give up?

Here’s the message highlighted:

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Assemblyman Tom Ammiano has clearly been targeted for termination.

United Nations Security Chickens Out

Why should the UN have a say in any security issue when they can’t even keep a Colonel Sanders lookalike out of their own building?

UNITED NATIONS — Red-faced United Nations officials on Monday admitted to a major security lapse after a UN guard helped Kentucky Fried Chicken’s “Colonel Sanders” gain access to restricted areas.

The guard escorted the white-suited intruder past security barriers, where he got a handshake from the UN General Assembly president, Dr. Ali A. Treki of Libya.

The UN responded to the breach in their typical harsh language:

“It should not have happened — that I will stress, and very strongly,” said Michele Montas, spokeswoman for UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon.

And if it happens again, they’ll stress it very very strongly — but let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. A strongly-worded letter is en route to KFC as we speak to demand that the company apologize… to Pamela Anderson.

U.N. officials managed to get the Colonel to go away, but only after they’d given him most of Czechoslovakia in return.

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Fortunately, meeting faux Colonel Sanders was on Treki’s “bucket list,” so he wasn’t too upset — plus the Colonel brought free chicken

Frosting on a Turd: Pelosi Renaming ‘Public Option’ to Make it More Palatable

nullThe term “public option” has obviously been run into the ground and is becoming more unpopular by the day.

Democrats must have data that shows public reaction to “public option” has put it just below “genital herpes” on the popularity chart.

So, instead of scrapping the idea altogether as something Americans don’t want, Pelosi & Company have decided to simply put lipstick, glasses and cheap costume jewelry on the same pig. The brilliant scheme is not to restructure a “plan” that is frought with madness and start over, but rather to refer to the “public option” under a different name:

A government-sponsored “public option” for health care lives, though it may be more attractive to skeptics if it goes by a different moniker, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said Monday.

In an appearance at a Florida senior center, the Democratic leader referred to the so-called public option as “the consumer option.” Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz, D-Fla., appeared by Pelosi’s side and used the term “competitive option.”

How about “government-run health care”? That would be fairly accurate, which is why it’ll never be used. If Democrats think “public option” has a low Q-rating, then “government-run health care” would get a worse reception than Bob Griese in East LA.

More Pelosi:

“You’ll hear everyone say, ‘There’s got to be a better name for this,'” Pelosi said. “When people think of the public option, public is being misrepresented, that this is being paid for with their public dollars.”

Yeah, I hear people say there’s got to be a better name for it all the time, Nanc, but I doubt you’ll want to start calling it “a bunch of bullshit.”

So let’s help Pelosi and Wasserman out. What should the “public option” be referred to as?

“Massive power grab option”?
“The option that gets the deepest into your pocket option”?
“The no-option option”?
“We know what’s good for you and you don’t option”?
“Like Cash for Clunkers except with your life option”?
“Incompetent-run health option”?
“The ‘if it fails it’s Bush’s fault’ option”?
“The option where your tonsils won’t be taken out for no reason because that’ll be the least of your problems option”?

Come on, Nancy… there’s gotta be something here you like.

(h/t Rich Moran)

Update: A friend — a good writer in her own right — just wrote me and said “I don’t recall giving you permission to use my prom picture.” So I must sincerely apologize for that. But the picture stays…

Reid Between the Lines: States Won’t Be Able to ‘Opt Out’ of Obamacare

Financially, most state budgets are more strapped than a dominatrix who just rear-ended a pickup truck loaded with bungee cords, and Harry Reid knows that. This is why Harry’s latest “cave” to placate the wishy-washy moderates is anything but:

Senate Democratic Leader Harry Reid will announce his support for establishing a government-run health-insurance program that would allow individual states to opt out of the plan, a Democratic aide said today.

I haven’t seen this section of the bill, but one thing is certain: It will be easier to get Michael Moore through the eye of a needle than for states to opt out of Obamacare.

There will be countless additional funding measures attached so as to ensure that if states opt out, they’ll go even more broke than they already are.

Technically states can opt out of federal education guidelines and run their own public schools any way they see fit — as long as they don’t mind losing millions in federal funding that states have come to depend on.

Technically states can opt out of the federal drinking age and set their own legal age for the consumption of alcoholic beverages — as long as they don’t mind losing millions in federal highway funding.

Hospitals also receive plenty of federal money. Guess what’s going to disappear if your state “opts out” of Obamacare? And if the system ends up as “single payer,” which is Obama’s stated goal, any state opting out would essentially have no health care system whatsoever, because no doubt any physician working outside a single-payer umbrella would have his or her medical license revoked, as would pharmacists and medical facilities in opt-out states. Other than that, states will be free to do whatever they want.

States will not opt out of any government-designed health care bill, because Obama, Reid and Pelosi will make them an offer they can’t refuse.

Obama to Announce Afghanistan Decision Sometime Between Nov. 7 and Nov. 20: Is He President, Or a Cable Installer?

The US President/Nobel Peace Prize winner — er, make that the Nobel Peace Prize Winner/US President — will announce his decision on General McCrystal’s request for 40,000 more troops in Afghanistan sometime between November 7th and November 20th.

I’ve gotten a more precise timeline from the cable installer than we’ve heard from the Obama administration on Afghan policy. Obviously the correct answers to the major problems both domestically and in the Middle East are hidden at a golf course somewhere, because President Obama is putting even Ike to shame.

During the campaign Obama said the US had to have enough troops to ensure that we’re “not just air raiding villages and killing civilians” — in his own eloquent and insulting words — so the extra troops should be a no-brainer. But again, US success in Afghanistan is secondary to world opinion, and that’s the real rub here, especially since Obama hasn’t yet been handed the Nobel Peace Prize.

Obama told the military “I will never rush the solemn decision of sending you into harm’s way.” This was a clear swipe at the previous president, but the looks on the faces of the Navy men behind Obama in this video say it all. They look like they’re listening to a speech by a… well… a community organizer.

Given the fact that there are troops in Afghanistan in harm’s way as we speak, the obvious follow-up question for Obama is this: “Would you at least rush a decision to get us out of harm’s way?”

With Barry’s swipe at Bush in mind, here’s a flashback to one of my favorite video dichotomies: The troops greeting Bush vs. the troops greeting Obama. The money shot is the CNN anchor at the end of the Obama clip noting the “tepid response” toward Obama. How odd that the troops seem to have more confidence and enthusiasm toward the “reckless” president:

Home Depot Fires Employee for ‘Religious’ Flair, Manager of Chotchkie’s Unavailable for Comment

Trevor Keezer has been fired from Home Depot for refusing to take off his “One nation under God… indivisible” button.

People are turning this into a religious debate, but I’m willing to bet that Keezer got fired less for the content of the button, and more because it wasn’t in Spanish. Every time I go into Home Depot and try to read the signs I think I must have gotten drunk and somehow ended up in a Tijuana hardware store — and that’s in Michigan.

Employees do have the right to make demands on what is or isn’t worn by their employees, provided the rules are fair and uniform, if you will. Is this a strict across-the-board policy by Home Depot that no employees will wear any religious-type flair whatsoever? According to somebody from Home Depot in the video below, yes, it is a policy.

However… to seriously test that policy we’d have to first make Home Depot answer some questions honestly: Would they fire someone who refused to stop wearing a button displaying a picture of Muhammad? How about a hijab with “I-heart-Iran” written on it? A ball cap with one of those Darwin fish on it? A Fox News t-shirt? (In the age of The New Hope, that last one is a no-brainer)

Here’s the guy in question, explaining his wildly offensive, Bible-thumping, nationalistic button:

If anybody is reading this near Okeechobee, Florida and are angered by this, don’t boycott Home Depot or anything like that. Start passing out these buttons to customers going in the store.

Pink Undies for the Dept. of Homeland Security

The Department of Homeland Security is trying their best to take one of the most effective law enforcement officials in the U.S. when it comes to illegal immigration out of the loop — and they’re even singling him out to do so:

(CNSNews.com) – The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) told CNSNews.com that after reviewing the Memorandum of Agreements between Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) and state and local law enforcement agencies in 23 states, the only agency to lose its authority under the 287(g) program to operate task forces that can enforce federal immigration laws is the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office.

“It’s the only one,” Matt Chandler, spokesman for the DHS, said on Thursday.

Sheriff Joe Arpaio, who oversees the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office, is well-known for arresting illegal immigrants to be deported, and his success in catching illegals has been criticized largely by liberal public leaders and activists.

If the Department of Homeland Security is going to play PC politics with the country’s security, why does the department even exist? The goal should be to stop illegals — not to stop illegals unless activists complain.

Here’s what Arpaio said shortly before the DHS took away his authority:

“We’ve been doing it for two years and have been very successful, but I guess they don’t like to enforce illegal immigration laws. [It] doesn’t make any difference. I’m still going to continue my programs, regardless of what the feds like or don’t like.”

This could be a fun showdown, and my money’s on Sheriff Joe.

The DHS and the Obama administration are the ones who should be forced to wear the pink underwear, so I hope Arpaio has some he can send them. They might as well dress the way they lead.

The Obamacare Flu: Preview of Coming Attractions?

Those in line at one school in Oakland County, Michigan for swine flu vaccinations had a wait of several hours. This story is repeated many times around the country.

I can’t help but wonder how many people are catching an illness just by waiting in the long lines. But this mess has lot of people are asking: “Are these long lines and short supplies indicative of what government health care would be like?”

Probably not. I’m guessing that with the swine flu vaccine mess, we’re looking at the government at its finest and that this is a best-case scenario. That there are long lines because of a sudden panic to get vaccinated isn’t a surprise, and it isn’t in and of itself evidence of government failure. What is evidence of government failure and still isn’t a surprise is that the government once again missed its predicted supply goal by a huge margin.

The government — the same one that budgeted Cash for Clunkers to run for three months and ran out of money in a week — had predicted that by this time 40 million doses of H1N1 vaccine would be available. Only about a quarter of that amount has been produced.

Do you want that bunch in charge of making sure everybody who needs it has enough of their heart meds, cancer treatments or dialysis? They can’t run a frickin’ car sale without an epic fail, fer crissakes.

Here’s the line in Oakland County, Michigan — given this, I’d rather take my chances on a bit of fever and nausea, thank you very much:

And here’s a man with a warning we should all heed outside a flu shot line in Kansas:

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One woman has perhaps realized where the nirvana of Obamacare could be leading:

In Baltimore, resident Ivette Brown expressed her frustration with the system.

“We’ve been turned away. We were told they don’t have anything,” Brown told ABC News. “My children’s health is at stake.”

What should really scare her is that if the government was operating 50% more efficiently that would only mean that she’d have been turned away twice as fast.

At this point I’d be hesitant to give my kids the vaccine. The production of it is being rushed, and we know how badly the government screws up things they’re taking their time on let alone something they’re in a hurry to make.

Newspaper Headlines We Might (or Might Not) See in the Coming Week

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(click for larger picture)

Other headlines we might (or might not) see…

–Obama enlists help of Muslim extremists in war on Fox News

–Farrakhan: H1N1 vaccine invented to kill black people, give whites more rhythm

–Report: H1N1 vaccine tries to purchase St. Louis Rams

–Obama staff finds out Mao killed millions of people, feel kind of stupid now

–Senator drops health care bill, kills staffer

–Party with ex-Klansman 3rd in line to presidency decries GOP racism

–Shock health study: More die per year with insurance than without

–CIA reparations for those wrongly imprisoned at Gitmo include tickets to Rage Against the Machine concert, rights activists unamused

–Obama to refer to US military as ‘Hope Scouts’ until after Peace Prize ceremony

–David Axelrod mistaken for Safe-Way produce manager

–NY Mayor Bloomberg stuck in elevator with chain smoker eating Big Mac

–Frustrated tweeter trying to write 150-character suicide note credits Twitter’s 140-character limit with saving life.