Obama Signs Child Obesity Task Force Memo, Schools to Get ‘Healthier’ Vending Machines

As Denny’s served a free Grand Slam breakfast to every American, Michelle and Barack Obama announced a new initiative aimed at getting big labor snouts even deeper into the public trough — er, I mean… designed to fight childhood obesity:

The White House officially launched its fight against childhood obesity Tuesday morning, with First Lady Michelle Obama appearing in a televised interview announcing it and then standing by her husband as he signed a memo ordering federal agencies to work together on the project.

But to make young people healthier will require some changes to business-as-usual at schools.

For example, here is a vending machine you might see in schools or on campuses today:


Fat, fat, fat! Yuck! This stuff is bad for kids bodies and brains.

So with that in mind, the Obama Task Force is making some changes. The contents of these machines will be altered slightly so as to promote a healthier lifestyle both of body and mind: