Michael Moore’s Jumping Jacks

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I’m working on a column today, but I wanted to comment on an item I ran across yesterday morning. I included the photo above to set the mood — you can thank me for facilitating your diet later.

Michael Moore, liberal filmmaker and corporate welfare hypocrite, has dispatched a request to President Obama: “Replace Rahm Emanuel with me and I’ll work for $1 a year.”

Moore also included in his offer some exercise metaphors that are laughable, given the fact that Moore is about 400 pounds of compressed Crisco and marshmallow fluff:

Now, don’t get too giddy with excitement over my offer, because you and I are going to be up at 5 in the morning, seven days a week and I am going to get you pumped up for battle every single day (see photo). Each morning you and I will do 100 jumping jacks and you will repeat after me:

“THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ELECTED ME, NOT THE REPUBLICANS, TO RUN THE COUNTRY! I AM IN CHARGE! I WILL ORDER ALL OBSTRUCTIONISTS OUTTA MY WAY! IF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE DON’T LIKE WHAT I’M DOING THEY CAN THROW MY ASS OUT IN 2012. IN THE MEANTIME, I CALL THE SHOTS ON THEIR BEHALF! NOW, CONGRESS, DROP AND GIVE ME 50!!”

Then we will put on our jogging sweats and run up to Capitol Hill

“…and then I’ll have a heart attack and die. End of story.”

You know how Moore’s count to 100 jumping jacks would go? “One!” Puff puff puff… “TWO!” Puff puff wheeze hack puff… “THR…” ::massive crashing sound, floor collapse kills 20 in room below:: (Unfortunately those injured will later discover that being crushed by a fat leftist slob isn’t covered by Obamacare)

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. MichelleMalkin.com alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: WriteDoug@Live.com.