Postal Service May Ration Mail Delivery: Welcome to a Glimpse of Your Possible Government Health Care Future

The government corners like an aircraft carrier in dry-dock, and as such is incapable of keeping up with business trends (or, possibly worse for you, with medical trends), but this is an indication of the same mindset that might someday be in charge of your health care, and the inevitable rationing thereof:

The U.S. Postal Service plans to propose Tuesday an adjusted mail service schedule, which will likely cut Saturday delivery. The agency will also suggest closing some branches and expanding its use of self-service kiosks in grocery stores and other popular retail spots, as part of its effort to work its way out of a mountain of debt.

USPS posted a $3.8 billion loss in its 2009 fiscal year, the latest in a multiyear string of whopping losses. Mail volume was down 12.7% for the year, a trend the agency expects to continue over the next decade as more consumers opt for online bill payments and message delivery.

Maybe they should just have doctors deliver the mail. That way we’d all get our mail and have a doctor who comes around every day — except weekends and federal holidays.

The USPS is supposed to be self-sustaining. Obama has said his health plan must be self-sustaining as well. The problem with government running self-sustaining programs is that eventually the self that isn’t sustained is you.

Obama himself warned of government’s inability to compete with the private sector when he spoke last August about how well UPS and FedEx have fared against the delivery service the government runs. Somehow this was supposed to make us more comfortable with the government running the health care system:

I haven’t seen a sales pitch that counterproductive since James Garner had a heart attack while filming a “Pork: The new white meat” commercial.

Obama’s ‘Virtual Colonoscopy’

I wish I’d have known about this before I went through a couple using the traditional method that leaves you feeling like you’ve just been sodomized with a tire pump:

The president was checked for and found free of colon cancer with a virtual colonoscopy, a scan that avoids the more invasive visual inspection with a camera device that is passed into the large intestine.

Obama was given a “virtual” colonoscopy because doctors feared that shoving a regular scope up there might damage Joe Klein’s nose.

Palin vs. Romney: A Late-Night Primary

Tonight, Sarah Palin will be talking about tea partying and writing notes on her hand with Jay Leno, and Mitt Romney will be with Letterman discussing the economy and mixing it up with rappers on airplanes.

I suspect I know who will win this particular evening’s ratings war:

Jay Leno made news when he announced that Sarah Palin will be among his high-profile guests when he returns to The Tonight Show next week (aka “The Jaysurrection”). Now David Letterman’s lineup for next week pits Mitt Romney against Sarah Palin on Tuesday night — and the ratings may well provide clues on which probable GOP presidential contender may be most popular.

One thing’s for certain: I’ll be asleep then — but I’ll be DVRing Palin. And it’s not necessarily because I don’t want to see Romney, but because I can’t stand watching Letterman do political interviews.

My guess is that Leno wins the night by at least 20%.

Rally in Massachusetts to Ban Word ‘Retard’

Anybody else think this is getting a little ridiculous?

BOSTON (FOX25, myfoxboston) – Friends of the intellectually disabled are pushing to ban the word “retard” in Massachusetts.

Today, soldiers of the Anti-R Movement will stage a pledge drive at the State House.

They’ll be collecting signatures from those who want the word removed from everyday speech.

On Wednesday, students plan to hold an anti-r word rally at Winthrop High School.

This comes several months after White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel used the offensive word to describe an ad campaign proposed by liberal allies.

How silly. A ban on “retard” would have serious consequences on safety charts:

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On products we use:

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On engine diagrams:

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On gauges:

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Certain foreign films would have to be banned:

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And of course Rahm Emanuel would have to be banned (there’s an upside to every ban, I suppose):

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The example below is a little too close for comfort as well, so the soldiers of the anti-R movement may soon be lobbying to have this removed from all public schools:

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Nancy Pelosi: Tea Partier

Yesterday, when Nancy Pelosi said this, I thought she was kidding:

We [House Democrats] share some of the views of the Tea Partiers in terms of the role of special interest in Washington, D.C., as — it just has to stop. And that’s why I’ve fought the special interest, whether it’s on energy, whether it’s on health insurance, whether it’s on pharmaceuticals and the rest.”

A couple of months ago, tea partiers were dangerous people carrying Swastikas who were a threat to the fabric of our nation, and now that same group has some good points?

Suddenly Stretch feels the need to reach out to the tea partiers in her California district, so hopefully there are internal polls showing her slipping.

Pelosi also hinted, in language as subtle as a sledge hammer between freshly lifted eyes, that Congressional Democrats should be willing to sacrifice their jobs to get Obamacare passed. Well, all of them except Nancy Pelosi.

If Pelosi’s job is the one threatened, this could be a scene coming to a tea party near you:

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Is Gore to Blame for Global Warmicides?

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The above sign used to be a joke directed at hypocritical global warmists, but they’re starting to take it too seriously:

A seven-month-old baby girl survived three days alone with a bullet in her chest beside the bodies of her parents and toddler brother.

Argentines Francisco Lotero, 56, and Miriam Coletti, 23, shot their children before killing themselves after making an apparent suicide pact over fears about global warming.

When, say, rock music fans do something stupid at the apparent behest of lyrics in their favorite songs, there are some who blame the band. Will Al Gore be held accountable for making the crazies even crazier and guilt-ridden by telling them that people are the problem, all because of his lie based on personal greed and lust for power?

Those who believe that the Goracle should be taken to court for perpetuating this fraud may have found another reason for doing so.

(h/t FeedYourADHD)

We’ve Secretly Replaced the Transdermal Patch the President Usually Uses With…

I can already envision the commercial:

“We’ve secretly replaced the ineffective transdermal patch that President Obama usually uses, with Marx-o-Derm. Let’s see if America notices a difference”:

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Update: It’s come to my attention that the president liked this product so much that he bought fifty million cases for distribution to the poor and charged the purchase to middle and upper class taxpayers. I don’t think it works as advertised.

Will Michelle Obama Not Endorse Her Husband in 2012 Because He’s Still Smoking?

Michelle Obama, it’s been written, wouldn’t have supported her husband’s bid for president if he wouldn’t have quit smoking:

US President Barack Obama might have never run for the presidency if he had not secured wife Michelle’s backing by agreeing to leave smoking.

The Race of a Lifetime, a book by John Heilemann and Mark Halperin, gives the depth of Michelle Obama’s opposition to her husband’s White House run.
[…]
The book claims Obama would never have run without his wife’s backing. It was only after he promised to quit smoking, be home on Sundays and attend his daughters’ parent-teacher meetings and music recitals that she finally swung behind his bid.

The only question remaining is whether or not Michelle “Let’s Move” Obama will support her husband’s re-election now that everybody knows he lied about quitting:

Barack Obama is still struggling to kick smoking, according to his first medical examination since becoming president.

Obama is sensitive about his cigarette habit and tetchy with reporters who raise it. But after his 90-minute medical at the Navy hospital outside Washington yesterday morning, his doctors confirmed he had not yet managed to conquer the habit and suggested he “continue smoking cessation efforts”.

Obama said he quit smoking in 2008, but, just like closing Gitmo, not raising taxes on the middle class, tougher lobbying rules, ending no-bid contracts above $25,000, dramatically changing the provisions of the Patriot Act, health care for all, Hope, and of course Change, promises are made to be broken.

Actually Obama did admit during a June 2009 press conference that he does fall off the smoking wagon on occasion.

After that press conference, Obama decided once and for all to quit… having press conferences.