null

If you’ve seen the 1964 Stanley Kubrick film Fail-Safe, you might think it’s far past time that a sequel was made, updated for the times we now live in. I certainly do.

Here are the major plot points I’d go with if I were writing/directing Fail-Safe II:

–”Definitely Non-Muslim Potential Man-Caused Disaster Initiators” (or DNMPMCDIs, formerly “Islamic terrorists”) steal nuclear weapons from the countries that are attending Obama’s Nuke Summit. This happens while attendees are distracted by talks about how to keep terrorists from stealing their nukes (thereby discrediting a theory once thought to be a deterrent to nuclear war that is known by Chicago community organizers as MAD, or “Mutually Assured Dialogue”).

–DNMPMCDIs threaten to use said weapons against the United States and its diminishing number of allies.

–The American president uses the incident as evidence that major world powers must even further reduce, and ultimately eliminate, their nuclear arsenals so this kind of crap never happens again, and apologizes to the DNMPMCDIs for the U.S. allowing the world to get in such disarray.

–DNMPMCDIs don’t believe the American President and continue to threaten to use the weapons. Keith Olbermann links them to the Tea Parties.

–The American president, in a last-ditch effort to prevent a total global annihilation, offers to nuke Provo, Utah as a sign of US sincerity that the last 60 years worth of proliferation was just an accident.

–As a jet piloted by Rahm Emanuel is dispatched over Utah, the haunting final scene features the American president talking on the phone to Orrin Hatch in Provo. The American president and the DNMPMCDIs who are also listening are told that they may soon hear a high shrill noise, which will either be the sound of Hatch’s phone melting, or Hatch writing the movie’s theme song.

–The screen goes dark as a high shrill noise is heard, but it’s up to the viewers to decide which one occurred — until the movie’s theme song starts.

–Outtakes at end of film include Janet Napolitano standing in front of a mushroom cloud trying to say “the system worked like clockwork… after the detonation” without cracking up.

Here’s the end of the original Fail-Safe in case you’ve never seen it:

Comments

3 Responses to “Fail-Safe II: Unsafely Failing”

  1. Mike S. on April 13th, 2010 12:13 am

    Sorry to have to correct you Doug, but Kubrick made "Dr. Strangelove", not "Fail Safe", which was released the same year. I'm not sure who the director of "Fail Safe" was…I'll have to look it up.

  2. Mike S. on April 13th, 2010 12:15 am

    Okay, it was Sidney Lumet. IMDB.com does serve a purpose once in a while.

  3. fred r. on April 13th, 2010 11:20 am

    Both Dr. Strangelove and Fail Safe were originally based on the same book ("Red Alert"), but the scriptwriters took dramatically opposite tacks—Kubrick and Terry Southern went for very effective satire while Lumet stuck to the original book and came up with a pretty pedestrian movie…..but I don't think Kubrick and Southern could've come up with anything as pathetically farcical as what's going on in Washington now, no matter how many mind-altering substances they drank, smoke or whatever!!

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.