Today I’m pretty much going to celebrate “Earth Day” the way I celebrated “Earth Hour” last month.

Right now, Sting, James Cameron and the rest of the enviro-hypocrites are leaving their mansions to board their private jets and wing their way to DC for Saturday’s Climate Rally to tell the rest of us to not use our gas-powered weedwackers and eat hamburger so we can reduce our carbon footprints.

Also, my kids are in school, no doubt being shoveled propaganda that I’ll have to help extract from their heads when they get home. Fortunately though they’re smart and usually don’t buy most of the BS anyway.

Naturally, what Earth Day is complete without yet another all-out effort to recruit an entire generation of novocaine-brained Goracle-stepping envirobots sent out to snitch on their parents:

Launching this Earth Day is Green My Parents, a nationwide effort to inspire and organize kids to lead their families in measuring and reducing environmental impact at home. Not just on Earth Day, but every day. GMP’s initial goal is to have its first 100 youth advocates train and educate 100 peers (who will then turn to 100 of their respective peers and so on), with the aim of saving families $100 million between now and April 2011.
Kids are urged not just to find ways to save money and energy but to negotiate with their parents for a percentage of the realized savings in return for their initiative. Environmental, familial and financial responsibility are linked, so the effort isn’t so much about being an environmentalist as it is about being a responsible, engaged and caring member of the family.

So nice of them to take it upon themselves to teach my kids to be responsible members of my family (these are the people who can’t go a day without saying “keep your laws off my body”?) Too bad it doesn’t work the other way though — try going to an environmentalist loon’s house and demanding access to their kids so you can teach them how to be a good family member.

Maybe I’m paranoid, but listening to a group of people who don’t seem to care one bit about the trillions and trillions of dollars of debt the government they adore is sticking my kids with suddenly express concern for trimming $75 a month from my family’s budget raises a few suspicions.

Did you catch this part?

Negotiate with their parents for a percentage of the realized savings in return for their initiative.

Where I’m from, this is called an “allowance,” the parent decides on the chore, not some dimwit Maoist educator, and it’s non-negotiable — and if a negotiation is attempted the amount of said allowance drops exponentially. The only thing “green” involved is when the chore in question is mowing the lawn.

And the laughs from the Times article keep on coming:

I have to welcome, too, GMP’s unabashed fusion of capitalism and carbon footprints

This bonehead believes that “the State” sending kids home to negotiate with their parents over things the parents don’t want or need done, gathering data, and reporting back to the State is teaching kids about capitalism?

Emergency random thought: I’m sick of being told how to make the world cleaner by the group of people usually most in need of a shower this side of people who spent a weekend stuck in an elevator with Mickey Rourke.

But without further adieu, here’s the future president of Organizing for America and/or ACORN (somebody please explain to this kid how many people have been killed by “thinking big,” “idealism” and “striving for perfection”):

And of course, what Earth Day is complete without watching environmentalist wacko hippies crying over dead trees? This is just plain funny:

And for added Earth Day effect, check out this bulldozer clearing out trees.

(h/t for the video to Weasel Zippers)


5 Responses to “In Celebration of Earth Day”

  1. Joyanna Adams on April 22nd, 2010 5:54 pm

    Okay, I blame Joni Mitchell. That "they paved paradise and put up a parking lot." was the start of old hippies and their kids crying and screaming over a tree.. these people have the IQ of the trees they are crying, It take it back. The trees have an advangtage..

    Great writing…and VERY funny video's. I'm going to go out and pick my weeks. I'm going to KILL weeds. In fact, I will show them no mercy, just because it's earth day…
    I"m am going to pull them out by the ROOTS, and then, yell at my bees…

  2. Doug on April 22nd, 2010 7:42 pm

    I'm actually going to put some Roundup down later in between my barns just to remind the earth who's boss.

  3. Nanny on April 22nd, 2010 8:52 pm

    If I had a kid come home from school and TELL ME how to save the earth – that child would be begging me to save his life. And the next day the teacher, principal and school board would be doing the same! These people should thank their lucky stars my kids are all grown -BUT my grandkids will be attending school – so let's get ready to rumble!!!

  4. Joe Redfield on April 22nd, 2010 9:50 pm

    Too bad Al Gore's kids aren't still school age; they would become instant millionaires if they could negotiate a percentage of all the dough Al could save by cutting back his energy use to no more than five times that of normal households.
    And it would be both appropriate and hilarious if a forest giant were to fall over on top of that bunch of caterwauling evolutionary dead-ends in the tree hugger video.

  5. Nick on April 23rd, 2010 4:23 pm

    @ Joe. You missed the right wing memo. "evolutionary " isn't a real thing. We are teaching the science of
    creationism" now.

    Christ, don't you read your handbook?

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