Obama Swimming to Deepwater Horizon Disaster Site to Personally Negotiate with Leak

New Orleans — PNN: President Obama has not only travelled to Louisiana to monitor the progress of the effort to “plug the damn hole,” but the White House announced that the president is personally swimming to the site of the leak to negotiate with, and more than likely apologize to, the spilling oil.

Amid much heroic fanfare, the president departed the Louisiana shoreline this morning, thus beginning his courageous journey to save the Gulf and possibly his presidency (though not necessarily in that order):


Secretary of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano brought the press up to speed at a briefing this morning. “From day one we were saying ‘from day one’ — From day one there’s never been any doubt about that… from day one. And that ocean out there has been thanking us from day one. And we’ve said that from day one, which was the first day we were right on top of this problem, which was of course, by definition, day one.”

White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, during his daily press briefing, refused to answer any questions that required a response and instead showed reporters a chart of the president’s progress as he swims to the site of the Deepwater Horizon disaster:


The president is now approximately 75 miles northwest of the leak site and has stopped for the day to play a round of mini-putt golf on a nearby cruise ship. An Obama staffer said that another reason for the stop was that the president’s teleprompter had become waterlogged.

Once on site at some point late Friday afternoon, the president is expected to meet with the leak, as shown in this Washington Post graphic created using data provided by Obama’s staff:


“If the talks are encouraging and the leak shuts down, the president may award it with a ‘Medal for Courageous Restraint’ for avoiding further harm to civilians, animals and the ecosystem,” said Gibbs.