“Big Brother” is very busy these days — and so is Big Sister.

From the Department of Homeland Security website:

Washington, D.C. – Department of Homeland Security (DHS) Secretary Janet Napolitano today announced the expansion of the Department’s national “If You See Something, Say Something” campaign to hundreds of Walmart stores across the country – launching a new partnership between DHS and Walmart to help the American public play an active role in ensuring the safety and security of our nation.

Now when you’re in line at Walmart in the coming months, as if the screaming babies, unattended kids, guy who hasn’t showered since the Nixon administration and a variety of disgruntled shoppers weren’t enough, you’ll also be subjected to the following friendly announcement from the Department of Homeland Security:

Help me out, J-Nap — what exactly should be reported at Walmart? For example, if I didn’t know better, I’d guess this person is toting around a belt bomb:


Is this a scooter theft in progress?


Are these masked mujahadeen about to take over the store and hold everybody hostage?


There must be Taliban in the area:


Is something getting ready to go down? Looks like it to me:


“Hello, DHS. I’d like to report somebody impersonating Janet Napolitano”:


Would this warrant a call to the proper authorities, or no?


Sure enough, Janet — we’ll be sure to report anything out of the ordinary.

Speaking of “suspicious” — an Obama muumuu?


I’ll bet you can pick one up really cheap these days.

Photos from PeopleofWalMart.com


35 Responses to “The DHS Wants People to Report ‘Suspicious Activity’ at… Walmart?”

  1. SignPainterGuy on December 7th, 2010 7:21 pm

    Doug, file this one among your Most Bestest – hillarious !

    I`d read this somewhere earlier and wondered then, what is this "something" ? The article does not elaborate, so am I looking for examples of "employees FORCED to work there", "sexual harrassment", "unfair pricing", "management beating an employee for saying the word 'union' ", "people wearing illegal clothing – Miss Belt Bomb", "the word Christmas in open view of sensitive shoppers" ? What ? I`m an evil Christian-conservative so I can`t think for myself ! Help me out here, Nappy Janitalia ! I know you don`t mean , ssshhhhhhh, "terrorists"…Did I say that too loud ?

  2. Marshall_Will on December 7th, 2010 9:07 pm

    "Miss Belt Bomb"

    Dude! That's a 'dude' duuuude!?

  3. SignPainterGuy on December 7th, 2010 10:37 pm

    "Dude! That`s a 'dude' duuuude!?" ??????

    Perhaps on the "Left Coast" that`s a dude, but here in the deep south-east, that`s a "Don`t smart off to me sucka, I`ll slap dat face into nex week" female !! (cleaned it up a bit)

  4. Marshall_Will on December 7th, 2010 10:51 pm


    LOL, one of the surest ways to get in trouble on the Base is to use a DOD computer to access… yes, The Peeps Of Weirdmart! ( Still working on getting PTB access, slow doesn't begin to describe the Guard! )

    Anyone else getting the feeling we're finally turning the corner on the BS? Just in the last 24 hrs, I'm feeling better? Honestly, I don't think I could've taken another minute of it. Oh and could someone check on young master Assange for us!

  5. SignPainterGuy on December 8th, 2010 12:33 am

    In the `70s, I went with my Dad to check on sign work for our town`s NG Armory, one of the last pitchs before they closed it ! (Senior Center now) The "new" stuff was pre `65 era, Korean War era food, WWII era food, fascinating stuff ! Tents, cots, etc., all WWII relics !

  6. Nanny on December 7th, 2010 9:33 pm

    Oh Doug – this is priceless – I have always loved the People of Walmart pics! And do you really think Walmart shoppers will even "get" what the jist of Nappy's message is?

    Now I must admit I go to Walmart about once or twice a month but I drive 20 miles to a store in a farming area. I would rather smell cow shit rather than look at the crack of someone's ass in the local store. And the farmer's tend to be more conservative so it is a friendly experience.

  7. Marshall_Will on December 7th, 2010 10:03 pm


    Mrs. Will goes there about as often, usually for disposable type stuff, TP, soap, shampoo etc. She HATES it! Our local in Woodburn, OR has been over run by gang-bangers in the past. They'd make a 'day' of hanging out there. Practicing their menacing looks and staring at women, girls and mannequins.

    The lack of will to confront "profiling" really begins w/ Corp. America. Sure, they'd 'suspect' there was a problem, but they'd rather wait until they get a ton of complaints and ( God forbid? ) sales drop off before acting on it.

    By that time, the bad element is entrenched and it takes -twice- as long to clear the dump out than if they'd nipped it in the bud from the git' go. Now we know what j-nap can do when she leaves DHS.

  8. zillaoftheresistance on December 7th, 2010 8:08 pm

    She's going to be watching Walmart because they want to build in NYC and Mayor Michael Bloomberg, (who is doing everything he can to see a victory mosque erected at Ground Zero) is advocating for a 'hate Walmart' event, surely at the urging of his federal CRAPTASTIC masters in the Obeyme administration.
    from Atlas:

    'Mayor Gloomberg and NYC Council don't want a Wal-Mart in NYC, but are whoring for the Ground Zero Victory Mega-Mosque. The NY City Council has declared December 14th, "Hate Wal-Mart Day," and will hold a witch hunt hearing against Wal-Mart entitled "When Walmart Comes to Town." We will be there to stand against the fascists. Please join us and send this to your email lists, groups, list servs, and tea party people.'

  9. Mike on December 7th, 2010 8:18 pm

    This is only natural of the DHS to do. After all this is where you will find most of the "right wing veteran" homegrown conservative terrorists Big Sis warned us about during the first Tea Parties back in early 09.

  10. Marshall_Will on December 7th, 2010 9:16 pm


    Interesting, elaborate. I get where you're going anecdotally, but did J-Nap actually make such an insinuation?

    Roit! Get 'em where it hurts! Get America where it really counts, by making a mass-sacrifice of people ( that clealy don't care about their 'own' lives ) and millions of dollars of cheesy merchandise* China will now NEVER see a -dime- on!

    Yeah, that will show them. Nevermind the strategic GEMS laid out in Wikicreeps, shutting down (1) ChinaMart will bring the Yankee imperialist pigs to their knees!

    *It's a little bit cheesy ( but it's nicely displayed )

  11. SignPainterGuy on December 7th, 2010 9:19 pm

    Heh, actually I was sorta – kinda – in a way – just about – nearly – almost – partly joking in my first post, I could`a been more righter than I thought !

  12. OK_Loyalist on December 7th, 2010 9:01 pm

    When not being vigilant while a Wally, http://tinyurl.com/287o5ef will assist you in bringing pleasure to your shopping experience.

  13. SignPainterGuy on December 7th, 2010 9:11 pm

    Gee thanks for the link, OK, now I have to fetch my a** out from under the couch, I laughed it plum off !! I`ll never have an excuse for bordum at WW again !

  14. OK_Loyalist on December 8th, 2010 12:29 am

    I was hoping Doug posted this story here. I love that link… the combined item purchases like the goldfish, tarter sauce and a deep fryer are the best.

  15. SignPainterGuy on December 8th, 2010 12:57 am

    It`s now on my favs list so I can visit when I need an escape chuckle, like icanhascheezburger.com/ …for the lolcats !

  16. malclave on December 7th, 2010 10:57 pm

    Walmart needs to be watched because it is a natural recruiting ground for potential Right Wing Extremists. Just like the Tea Party and the U.S. military, right, Janet?

  17. lwolt on December 7th, 2010 11:01 pm

    I get a lot of heat because we trade at Walmart–you know drove all the mom and pops out (there were no stores where it and several hundred of its closest friends now are–including a half-dozen or so INSIDE THE STORE) surly service (best service in town, by a pretty wide margin, although stores around them are getting better trying to compete) , and all the rest of the bull crap,

    But if I have to listen to HER while I'm checking out, I am outarthere.

  18. Marshall_Will on December 7th, 2010 11:15 pm

    Oh bloody hell then! I'll 'ave a ruin at'er?

    So Ju….lian, yer' 'aving your lil' stint of porridge now ar…ren't chew? Let's not be bashful Love. We all know you put it about? Come me petal pash 'fore the blimey guards be making their ruinds?

    'Good' ? NO! What!?

  19. M on December 7th, 2010 11:33 pm

    The last time I saw something suspicious in a Walmart.. well, there was the illegal alien gang banger who the illegal alien clerk decided to help instead of me (I had asked him for help first), and when I reminded the clerk i had requested his help, a full minute before said illegal alien gang banger had flagged him down, the gang banger pulled a switchblade out of his pocket to intimidate me, the clerk did nothing but smirk. The store management did nothing to help either. Or the time a family of illegals were in their van in the Walmart parking lot, with a bucket of KFC, and they were eating the chicken, and throwing the bones out the window, like their "culture" tells them is acceptable behavior in public places. I was waiting in my car, waiting for my husband to come out of the store, and recognized the father of the van of illegals, as the illegal who worked in the hardware dept. Or seeing the news reports in the local paper, about how there suddenly were car break ins, and robberies of customers in that particular Walmart's parking lot. Needless to say, I stopped shopping there, and haven't shopped at a Walmart since.

  20. Susan on December 8th, 2010 12:58 am

    Sounds like it's time to boycott Wal-mart.

  21. SignPainterGuy on December 8th, 2010 1:08 am

    Have at it, I like mine !

  22. Barb Chansky on December 8th, 2010 1:20 am

    Doug, thanks!!! I needed the laugh! Thank you again for making my day with your fantastic sarcasm

  23. Doug on December 8th, 2010 1:23 am

    Thanks Barb! I appreciate it.

  24. OK_Loyalist on December 8th, 2010 1:45 am

    My fav was the goat and the Taliban LOL

  25. patsy on December 8th, 2010 5:31 am

    i'd really be interested to know what exactly the "peeps of teh walmart" would report as being suspicious…

    Janet N ought to be careful what she asks for….. you know, cause she might get it.

  26. Michelle Malkin » Homeland Security Takes a Day Off on December 21st, 2010 1:10 am

    […] Is Homeland Security planning a day off? If so, America won’t be left completely unguarded. Why do you think J-Nap’s been recruiting Walmart shoppers? […]

  27. Homeland Security Takes a Day Off | Conservatives for America on December 21st, 2010 2:01 am

    […] If there is a day off for the DHS, America won’t be left completely unguarded. Why do you think J-Nap’s been recruiting Walmart shoppers? […]

  28. twolaneflash on December 21st, 2010 2:37 am

    Government has also just formed a co-conspiracy with Waste Management, Inc. in a spy-on-the-people scheme named Waste Watch. The garbage guys who come by for fifteen seconds every week are to report "suspicious activity" to the police. I can see myself being murdered by the local paramilitary police unit while washing my windows, following a 911 call from Guillermo the Garbage Guy. Since when did my garbage man become a highly trained operative of the Justice Department? Today, I cancelled my account with Waste Management. I won't be visiting Wal-Mart anytime soon. Want to be government stooges, count me out.

  29. Conservative News from Conservative Bloggers » Blog Archive » Homeland Security Takes a Day Off on December 22nd, 2010 6:59 am

    […] Fear not, however — If the DHS takes a day off, America won’t be left completely unguarded. Why do you think J-Nap’s been recruiting Walmart shoppers? […]

  30. Michelle Malkin » DHS Announces ‘If You See Something, Say Something’ at Super Bowl on February 5th, 2011 12:46 pm

    […] Department of Homeland Security’s “If you see something, say something” program kicked off at Walmart, and now it’s expanding: (CNSNews.com) – Department of Homeland Security Secretary Janet […]

  31. DHS Announces ‘If You See Something, Say Something’ at Super Bowl | Conservatives for America on February 5th, 2011 1:01 pm

    […] Department of Homeland Security’s “If you see something, say something” program kicked off at Walmart, and now it’s expanding: (CNSNews.com) – Department of Homeland Security Secretary Janet […]

  32. DHS Announces ‘If You See Something, Say Something’ at Super Bowl | Ace Campaign on February 5th, 2011 4:17 pm

    […] Department of Homeland Security’s “If you see something, say something” program kicked off at Walmart, and now it’s expanding:(CNSNews.com) – Department of Homeland Security Secretary Janet […]

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