The only thing the economy has going for it is that it suffered a heart attack before Obamacare fully kicked in:

US President Barack Obama on Tuesday said that the US economy had suffered a “heart attack” and survived but is not recuperating quickly enough, as he geared up to unveil a major jobs plan.
“This is a situation where the economy essentially had a heart attack, and the patient lived, and the patient is getting better, but it’s getting better very slowly.”

The bad news is that Dr. Obama is about to put our heart attack victim on a steady diet of double cheeseburgers and pork rinds dipped in lard until it fully recovers.

Obama says the economy is getting better, but actually it just slipped into another coma.


8 Responses to “Obama Says Economy Suffered Heart Attack, Plans to Prescribe Trans-Fat Drip for Cure”

  1. SignPainterGuy on August 31st, 2011 2:52 pm

    No mention of plans by Dr Oblunder and his surgical team to remove any regulatory blockages or orders for the patient to cut out those hi-fat gov. bailouts or prescribing regular tax-reducing exercises !

    Where did he get his Doctorate ?

  2. Hyperfobea on August 31st, 2011 3:54 pm

    Unbelievably lame and totally inaccurate analogy, Doc Obama-doom.

    The economy personified didn't have a heart attack. It's simply become quadriplegic. And Doc O's solution is to hand it a pair of crutches.

  3. SignPainterGuy on August 31st, 2011 4:10 pm

    Still wondering where evil Dr Obama-Doom got his Doctorate…… he is one lousy diagnostician !! Allow me to modify your diagnosis, Dr Hyperfobea……I`m going with "Tridriplegic". American exceptionalism is still alive and waiting for a break from those paralytic psychotic drugs this administration has been forcing on the "patient". A good dose of freedom would work wonders.

  4. Joe Redfield on August 31st, 2011 7:27 pm

    Heart attack? Yeah, a .45 caliber heart attack.

  5. Marshall_Will on August 31st, 2011 8:17 pm

    Well said, he and Dr. Mengele would have so much to talk about? All those knee slappers over subjecting pre-pubescents to huge caldrons of ice water to see how long before they succumb to hypothermia?

    You made them do WHAAAT!? Damn! Who knew an 80 year old's heart could hold out after carrying that many BRICKS up all those flights of stairs!

    No seriously, this is self-inflicted Economic Genocide. All courtesy of Teh Wun. Who even CARES what he sez in his stoopid speech? Nothing we haven't heard a dozen times before?

  6. OK_Loyalist on August 31st, 2011 10:15 pm

    If only TOTUS was capable of being the machine that goes Bing.

  7. BeeKaay on September 1st, 2011 4:16 am

    Not a trans-fat cure.

    A strychnine (Marxism) cure.


  8. Dexter_Alarius on September 1st, 2011 12:36 pm

    He's also stepping on the Oxygen hose.

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