Now that Bin Laden’s dead the DHS has really gotten distracted:


I’m more interested in knowing if somebody’s going to try and blow my ass up at the mall this weekend, but whatever.

DHS linked to the video below. Isn’t assuming that a frozen turkey dunked in hot oil will explode in a ball of fire profiling?

Idea for the DHS: Forget about how we’re cooking Thursday’s dinner… instead, line the border with thousands of pots of boiling oil, and when you sense somebody approaching to jump the border, dump a frozen turkey in each one. Oil fire fence! Oh come on, it’s at least as good as Herman Cain’s idea.

Doug Ross has a good catch-phrase for the DHS turkey safety program: “If you see something, baste something.”

Thanks, J-Nap, but if I want turkey frying safety tips, I’ll get them from William Shatner.

(h/t Washington Examiner)


14 Responses to “Department of Homeland Security Warns of Holiday Threat”

  1. Jimbo on November 22nd, 2011 6:50 pm

    I prefer to pepper-spray my turkeys before deep-fat frying. It makes them taste less like hippies.

  2. Dexter_Alarius on November 23rd, 2011 3:52 pm

    Don't forget to club it for a few minutes to tenderize.
    To ensure it is thoroughly cooked, it is recommended you TAZE the meatier portions.

  3. sizemorew on November 22nd, 2011 6:55 pm

    There's already plenty on the need to thaw a turkey before frying it. The fire department has all sorts of commercials cautioning people to be careful when frying turkeys that're shown all over the place during November and December. Food Network has reminded viewers again and again to fry a thawed turkey, not a frozen one. Heck, there was even a Mythbusters holiday special where part of it proved just how explosive it can get.

    Why the heck did DHS think this was a smart idea?

  4. backwoodsconsr on November 22nd, 2011 7:03 pm

    Because they are from the government and they are here to help.

  5. Marshall_Will on November 22nd, 2011 7:18 pm


    Same reason we need a multi-bil budget EPA/OSHA to tell us not to mix chlorine and bleach? How the Emergency Eye-wash Station works? Oh did you say to point the fire extinguisher at the 'base' of the flames..?

    That's good b/c I was going to bounce it off the ceiling first? Right after I dump this anti-freeze down the storm drain? We GET it already..! Funny Doug posted that Shatner oddity, and DHS takes their marching orders.

    See something, mastrabaste something! ( Or something? )

  6. backwoodsconsr on November 22nd, 2011 7:27 pm


    You hit the nail on the head. They're just doing it to make themselves feel good.

  7. Patriot on November 22nd, 2011 8:50 pm

    Umm.. is it just me or was the fryer over full, and when they dropped in the bird it spilled over of course and then caught fire on the open flames below?

  8. Marshall_Will on November 23rd, 2011 11:55 am

    When the Mythbusters get impatient, and nothing pyrotechnic or "Youtube worthy" develops, it's time to bust out over-the-top tactics no one in their right mind would attempt. Certainly on their own dime.

    I like my turkey skin a little crispy anyway? The reason we never got one, there's enough 'stuff' around our house that's "in storage" 364 days out of the year already. Prog's taking over UL? Looks that way to me!

  9. Doug on November 23rd, 2011 1:08 pm

    Yes, but I think they're assuming the fryer is being operated by a Democrat.

  10. Patriot on November 22nd, 2011 8:53 pm

    Oh and PS- America, when cooking your turkey, be sure to wear your hard hat like Joe DHS here. That is all.

  11. cdl on November 23rd, 2011 2:21 pm

    They should have made a video that says, "If you don't want thunder thighs like Mrs. Ubama don't eat fried turkey, turkeys."

  12. Hyperfobea on November 29th, 2011 12:04 pm

    Was that more uncommon sense for commonly ignorant Americans brought to us by the Ad Council?

  13. imoforpcs on May 2nd, 2017 11:17 pm
  14. imoforpcs on May 2nd, 2017 11:42 pm