American Airlines Accused of Profiling Celebrity Jackasses

LOS ANGELES (TPTB): Actor/Activist Alec Baldwin was kicked off an American Airlines flight for refusing to stop playing a word game on his iPad after being asked by a flight attendant to turn off the device. After Baldwin was removed from the plane, the flight departed an hour behind schedule and without the 30 Rock star on board.

The American Celebrity Jackasses Liberties Union (ACJLU) has come to Baldwin’s defense and has accused the airline of profiling celebrity jackasses.

“This is a clear case of celebrity jackass profiling,” according to Francis Glanton, spokesman for the ACJLU. “You’d think the profiling of celebrity jackasses wouldn’t be tolerated in the 21st century, but it’s proof that we still have a long way to go before we have a world in which lowly service employees realize they can no longer get away with treating celebrities like second-rate non-celebrities.”

Baldwin’s attorney, Henry Knutt III, former lead counsel for the Pompous Douchebags Defense Fund, said his client is considering filing suit against the airline. “This kind of thing doesn’t happen on United,” Knutt pointed out. “On United Airlines they realize that celebrity jackasses are more important than the people who should actually be expected to follow the rules, such as insurance salesmen, housewives and various B-list actors. This incident was a clear-cut case of a jackass-o-phobic flight crew profiling somebody better than them and exploiting the situation just to get gratuitous mentions on my client’s Twitter feed.”

Baldwin has filed a formal complaint with American Airlines, and suggested that the only way the company could win him back as a customer would be to create a “celebrity jackass class” section where the famous wouldn’t have to abide by rules that are only intended for non-celebrity non-jackass society. “Only then can mankind truly be equal and all flights depart on time without being delayed by ignorant flight crews” exclaimed a defiant Baldwin.


Baldwin, above, says he’s taking up this selfless cause on behalf of put-upon celebrity jackasses everywhere

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: