LOS ANGELES (TPTB): Actor/Activist Alec Baldwin was kicked off an American Airlines flight for refusing to stop playing a word game on his iPad after being asked by a flight attendant to turn off the device. After Baldwin was removed from the plane, the flight departed an hour behind schedule and without the 30 Rock star on board.

The American Celebrity Jackasses Liberties Union (ACJLU) has come to Baldwin’s defense and has accused the airline of profiling celebrity jackasses.

“This is a clear case of celebrity jackass profiling,” according to Francis Glanton, spokesman for the ACJLU. “You’d think the profiling of celebrity jackasses wouldn’t be tolerated in the 21st century, but it’s proof that we still have a long way to go before we have a world in which lowly service employees realize they can no longer get away with treating celebrities like second-rate non-celebrities.”

Baldwin’s attorney, Henry Knutt III, former lead counsel for the Pompous Douchebags Defense Fund, said his client is considering filing suit against the airline. “This kind of thing doesn’t happen on United,” Knutt pointed out. “On United Airlines they realize that celebrity jackasses are more important than the people who should actually be expected to follow the rules, such as insurance salesmen, housewives and various B-list actors. This incident was a clear-cut case of a jackass-o-phobic flight crew profiling somebody better than them and exploiting the situation just to get gratuitous mentions on my client’s Twitter feed.”

Baldwin has filed a formal complaint with American Airlines, and suggested that the only way the company could win him back as a customer would be to create a “celebrity jackass class” section where the famous wouldn’t have to abide by rules that are only intended for non-celebrity non-jackass society. “Only then can mankind truly be equal and all flights depart on time without being delayed by ignorant flight crews” exclaimed a defiant Baldwin.


Baldwin, above, says he’s taking up this selfless cause on behalf of put-upon celebrity jackasses everywhere


15 Responses to “American Airlines Accused of Profiling Celebrity Jackasses”

  1. OK_Loyalist on December 6th, 2011 11:12 pm

    Look at it this way Doug, Alec gave you an early Christmas gift.

  2. backwoodsconsr on December 6th, 2011 11:15 pm

    You're in fine form today, Doug. That is very well-written satire.

    Celebrity jackasses should keep movie cameras, scripts, and directors with them at all times. Those seem to be the only things that enable them to act like decent human beings.

  3. SignPainterGuy on December 6th, 2011 11:28 pm

    Finally, a story I can believe ! ;-)

  4. OK_Loyalist on December 6th, 2011 11:36 pm

    Doug and Alec go way back LOL

  5. Doug on December 7th, 2011 12:22 am

    Doug and Alec go way back

    Do we ever:

    I can't believe that's still up… Voyager must have forgotten that I haven't sent them a payment in several years.

  6. Doug on December 7th, 2011 12:23 am

    Thanks! Sometimes though it's too easy, and this is one of those times.

  7. SignPainterGuy on December 7th, 2011 12:44 am

    That was too cool !

  8. Marshall_Will on December 7th, 2011 1:42 am

    "playing a word game"

    C_a_t. D_o_g. P_i_g.

    Like that kind of word game? Look, his beef ain't w/ American Airlines ( they got enough problems right now ) They're called FAA 'regs' you hyper-douche. Good thing I wasn't on the flight.

    Think of all the poor folks that missed their connecting flight all b/c j!ckwad felt he needed a little boast for the news cycle.

  9. Jimbo on December 7th, 2011 1:45 am

    Alll those other passengers reached their destination 1 hour late and missed connections because this Lord of the Douche had to play his little game. Ipad is the only friend this arrogant pig has… no wonder he clings to it.


    Double word score!

  10. SignPainterGuy on December 7th, 2011 2:32 am

    And to think, there were hundreds of people, myself included, willing to help him pack to move out of the country in 2000 when Jr Bush won. Dang ! Kim Bassinger could`a been happier so much sooner !

  11. OK_Loyalist on December 7th, 2011 2:46 am

    Is it just me, or is that pic of Alec on this thread ManBearPig looking or what?

    Gorish :D

  12. Hyperfobea on December 7th, 2011 9:22 am

    Echo echo echo !!!!

  13. Marshall_Will on December 7th, 2011 12:45 pm

    Just add bag and really rack up the points! It shows how spoon fed the SteamingPileMedia is that he'd be able to insert that "he was just playing a word game" into the story.

    Whether he was looking at p0rn ( infinitely more likely ) or doing his taxes ( highly UNlikely ) doesn't matter. It's hi-freq transmissions that might disrupt the aircraft's instruments that are of concern here.

    And no, he doesn't have any friends…

  14. Granny55 on December 7th, 2011 3:14 pm

    A great spirit booster Doug!!! And apparently lots of his fans are following in his footsteps. I flew to Ft. Worth to see my daughter for Thanksgiving and you would not believe how rude people are about turning off their devices. The flight attendant on one flight had to tell a girl four times to turn off her unit. It is like they are inviting confrontation. Since 9/11 and the strict rules put into effect I comply with everything. I know they are just doing their jobs but jacka$$es like Baldwin always think they are "above" it all. I just wish they would have kicked him off at cruising altitude.

  15. SignPainterGuy on December 7th, 2011 3:21 pm

    Heh heh ….. how well can you play DBCooper ?!

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