My own theory why Democrats have more trouble orgasming is that the solar panel arrays on their vibrators can make the experience rather cumbersome:

Republicans are more likely to have better sex than Democrats, according to a new, 5,000-subject survey released by Binghamton University and on Friday.

More than half – 53% – of those identifying themselves as single, conservative Republicans said they reached orgasm almost every time they have sex. That’s compared to just 40% of liberal Democrats.

That said, the survey also found that Democrats have sex more frequently — possibly due to screwing taxpayers with greater efficiency.

Note: The “Republicans orgasm more than Democrats” poll has a margin of error of plus or minus Bill Clinton.


25 Responses to “Settled Science: Republicans More Likely Than Democrats to Achieve Orgasm”

  1. Jimbo on February 4th, 2012 7:28 pm

    Democrats have too much on their minds when they have sex. They are already busy mentally planning their abortions.

  2. Doug on February 5th, 2012 12:18 am

    Kind of a liberal version of "thinking about baseball"?

  3. Yazsters on February 4th, 2012 9:32 pm

    Well, I don't know if this is another attribute of vitamin D, but the sunny south, more sunshine exposure, higher vitamin D levels. : )

  4. Marshall_Will on February 4th, 2012 9:59 pm

    Um… speaking as a happily married Rep., if you didn't have the Big O I don't know what you were doing ( but it wasn't 'sex'? )

    Glad Doug shared this. Dating back to Nixon, the Left's first method of attack was to create the urban myth that the whole *reason* we're Republicans is BECAUSE we're sexually inadequate..!

    Carlin and all the comedians of the day were only too happy to perpetuate the line as a means toward cheap laughs and furthering The Cause. Even today, Bill Maher is still attempting to gain traction w/ the stale old schtick, using it against MM if he thinks it will fill a 45 sec. portion of his segment?

    Portraying Conservatives as so mindlessly robotic we're incapable of intimacy was/IS a big part of dehumanizing us. Now that we know a copy of Orgasms for Dummies is on every Liberal's nightstand, I'm sure MSNBC will make sure everyone gets wind of it.

  5. SignPainterGuy on February 4th, 2012 10:34 pm

    Too funny and spot on !

  6. ChapBix on February 6th, 2012 11:26 am

    Where was the /sarc nomenclature for the last sentence, Mr. Will?

  7. SignPainterGuy on February 4th, 2012 10:05 pm

    Sounds like a control issue; libs can no better control their sex partner than they can control themselves ! Without that feeling of control, what good is it ?

    Forget that each of them would feel genuine love for the other and an honest desire to please the other !

  8. Marshall_Will on February 4th, 2012 11:31 pm

    The disparity in those two numbers blows me away. Bubba-gasms aside, 13 pts. isn't what I'd call a rounding error. It's huge.

    Not a fan of the cult of internet hookup sites, but this after all, is their business. Given how analytical they get regarding all things booty call..? Who's all hung up about what again?

    But it makes perfect sense. Conservatives work hard, play by the rules, put in an honest day's work, put the kids to bed… and get some! Flighty professional leftists have to reconcile all their parental issues, pontificate whether they'll get tenure, conjure up tomorrow's [revised revisionist] talking points, and prepare "the perfect meal" before breaking a nail and giving up in disgust.

  9. Pasadena Phil on February 4th, 2012 11:49 pm

    Well they've been warned about masturbation. Blindness is only one unfortunate side effect. Numbness is another.

  10. Marshall_Will on February 5th, 2012 12:13 am

    Their juvenile, 8th Grade delusions of utopia don't end with community bicycles and solar-powered charging stations.

    Oh… they'll make sure everyone in the office knows all about their "hot date". How could you not know, they've been buzzing about and walking on air all WEEK.

    Then the let down… At this point you were really hoping they'll just -settle- on 'someone' so the office chemistry can revolve around something other than their sex lives. Our lack thereof. This is the basis for 80% of all SitComs btw. Trust me it's funnier on TV.

  11. Granny55 on February 5th, 2012 10:35 am

    Bet the dimmies are PO'd by this study – no doubt taxpayer money from the stimulus funds paid for it.

  12. backwoodsconsr on February 5th, 2012 12:50 pm

    They're already frustrated.

  13. Truesoldier__ on February 5th, 2012 2:50 pm

    Well this is no surprise at all. Conservatives are far more passionate and truly enjoy life.

    Liberals need to have a life coach to explain to them what they need to do, then they worry too much if what they are doing is going to offend someone. They also have to make sure that they have reached their minority quotas for the month and ensure that they have a ready supply of the morning after pill and the number of planned parenthood on speeddial as a back up. They also must do plenty of research on Youtube to ensure that they have the latest fads in mind prior to engaging in any activity. By the time they get through the checklist they are just to damn tired to perform.

  14. Marshall_Will on February 5th, 2012 3:24 pm

    Not that as Conservatives we don't have our equal ( and usually greater ) share of distractions and challenges. Blue State Republicans in particular. The difference being, when we have issues that confront us, we *resolve* them and move on!

    NOT embrace the problem, throw money at it ( other's preferably? ) and make it a structural and permanent part of our psyche? But rather then submersing in a mental morass from which there is no recovery, try: "What's the matter hon?" ( and listen to see what she says? ) I know, incredibly simplistic but it's so crazy it just might work!

    Oh and another concept Dim's just can't seem to grasp; If you 'start' something… FINISH it!

  15. SignPainterGuy on February 5th, 2012 3:20 pm

    I wonder if there`s a "cheating" poll of libs vs conservatives ? It occurred to me that people often want most that which they cannot have, so if a lib is having trouble in the organgism dept. with his / her spouse, s/he might be more apt to cheat in search of that elusive "feeling" !

  16. The Watcher on February 5th, 2012 8:14 pm

    'More than half – 53% – of those identifying themselves as single, conservative Republicans said they reached orgasm almost every time they have sex. That’s compared to just 40% of liberal Democrats.' … who orgasm whenever they add to an entitlement program.

  17. Misscheryl on February 5th, 2012 9:31 pm

    Seriously on this?

  18. Pasadena Phil on February 6th, 2012 12:03 am

    Doug, make sure you read this:

    Now back to watching Giselle's team win the Super Bowl.

    Update: Damn! No sooner than I hit save and Brady throws an interception!.

  19. Doug on February 6th, 2012 12:33 am

    Thanks, I'll check it out!

    Giants are driving as we speak… we'll see.

  20. Pasadena Phil on February 6th, 2012 12:50 am

    I should have kept my mouth shut. At least it's a great game. No shame in losing to the Giants.

  21. Doug on February 6th, 2012 1:05 am

    I can't complain too much… I won $50 on that final score. I should have played the $20 square instead of the $3.

  22. backwoodsconsr on February 6th, 2012 1:23 am

    Hail to that great prognosticator, Joe Biden!

  23. Pasadena Phil on February 6th, 2012 1:37 am

    I work in a very hostile environment for a Patriot fan. I'm surrounded by bitter, whiny, sore-loser cheeseheads and USC crazies.

    I wasn't that confident about my Pats so I didn't bet. When Jesus gave me the low down yesterday I chickened out. Thank you Jesus!

  24. SignPainterGuy on February 6th, 2012 2:12 am

    Ha haa ! It pays to listen to that still, small voice !

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