The Obama campaign must be getting desperate. The latest email from the First Lady makes it sound like she’s offering out the president for any chores or odd jobs you might have.

Here’s FLOTUS’s email. I added some questions and comments for Michelle to ponder while Barack’s out shoveling the snow away from her Volt:

For the first 10 years of our marriage, Barack and I lived in an apartment in my hometown of Chicago. The winters there can be pretty harsh, but no matter how snowy or icy it got, Barack would [take you to Bill Ayers' house to warm up next to his flag-burning stove?] head out into the cold — shovel in hand — to dig my car out before I went to work. [Did he leave you a bill for $5 trillion tucked under the windshield wiper?]

In all our years of marriage, he’s always looked out for me ["strong, independent woman" morphs into June Cleaver for campaign email -- film at eleven]. Now, I see that same commitment every day to you and to this country. [He made your health care shittier and more expensive too?] The only way we’ll win this election is if we can rely on one another like that [and get morons to the polls in droves... but mostly that first thing], all the way to November 6th. You should know that your recent donation means a lot to both of us [I gave you money? There's no way I got that drunk].

Barack is working hard [caddy call in sick today?], but he can’t do this alone — he needs your help [No problem. Does he have an extra ice scraper?]. Will you make another donation today to build this campaign? [I can't... you guys invested everything I had in Solyndra] When you do, you’ll be automatically entered to join Barack and me for a casual dinner. [I heard that "casual" means Biden doesn't wear a shirt -- is that true?]

Your flight, your meal, your accommodations — that’s all taken care of [You’re right… it is just like being married to the president!]. Just bring yourself and a guest, and get ready to enjoy a good meal together. [My guest is Rush Limbaugh... is that cool?]

We’re so grateful that you’re out there, ready to keep fighting alongside us from now to November [in the spirit of bipartisanship, if it's snowing on move-out day in January, we'll help shovel snow away from your U-Haul].




21 Responses to “FLOTUS Email: Vote for My Husband and He’ll Treat You Like You’re Me Except Not Really”

  1. backwoodsconsr on June 21st, 2012 10:15 pm

    Nice job of reading between the lines. I particularly liked the part about Solyndra.

  2. clu seatoe on June 21st, 2012 10:39 pm

    For the last few months all this guy has done is move back and forth across the country with his hands out begging. Now he’s gotten his wife to stretch her hands out too.

    Soon we’ll see the kids at the intersection in front of the WH with their cardboard signs and Bo sleeping on the sidewalk.

    Where the HELL is all this money going? Could have paid down a major part of the national debt by now, or bought a major part in a Hawaiian island.

    Whoa, did I see that somewhere…? Where did that idea come from?

  3. SignPainterGuy on June 21st, 2012 11:12 pm

    Is Oracle on the Zero`s Buddies list ? Did they get some green tech stimupork ?

  4. SignPainterGuy on June 21st, 2012 11:25 pm

    Ditto, Doug n bwc, but really, I can`t settle on a single fave !

    I don`t get that drunk either ! And I`d be so happy to help, I`ll bring my own shovel or snow blower – depending on wet or powdery snow – on January 20-whateverth !!

  5. clu seatoe on June 21st, 2012 11:28 pm

    Yea, Zero gave whoz-it his power of atty for purchase of volcanic rock and ash up-chuck.

  6. backwoodsconsr on June 21st, 2012 11:57 pm

    Are there any islands in Keyneya?

  7. jeffythequick on June 22nd, 2012 12:22 am

    This Romney guy is really starting to impress me:

    When playing Axis and Allies, I prefer the economic warfare. It starves them, and makes my opponents do stupid things. But then again, Romney's opponent has already taken that to a exponential new level.

  8. jeffythequick on June 22nd, 2012 12:27 am

    Will Mr. Malkin let me take Michelle Malkin?

    It would be funny to say, "Michelle, I enjoy listening to you talk, and admire your intelligence and wisdom all wrapped up in a beautiful person." and then say, "No, Ms. Obama, I was talking to Michelle Malkin. You're none of those."

  9. SignPainterGuy on June 22nd, 2012 12:30 am

    Keyneya ? New one on me ! Where`s`at , East-Central Chicago ?

  10. SignPainterGuy on June 22nd, 2012 1:25 am

    Good one Jeffy ! I was thinking of asking Doug, since he wanted to take Rush, did he think MM would accept an invite from me, IF I send a pic of me so Mr. Malkin wouldn`t worry about me trying anything ! ;-)

    I wouldn`t hope to get in more than a word edge-wise, Rush and MM would carry the floor with Doug tossing funnies right n left, I doubt I`d be able to stop laughing !

    That mix would make for a very unpleasant time for the Obamas and also WOULD NEVER HAPPEN !

  11. jeffythequick on June 22nd, 2012 4:02 am

    Yeah, I'd have to send him $3 first, wouldn't I?

    I'll send him a fresh $3 bill with his picture on it, and enjoy the irony.

  12. backwoodsconsr on June 22nd, 2012 10:52 am

    I'm not sure, but the New York Times is delivered to it every day.

  13. backwoodsconsr on June 22nd, 2012 10:54 am

    The only $3 bill I ever saw had Bill Clinton's picture on it.

  14. Truesoldier__ on June 22nd, 2012 12:40 pm

    Doug, that was a great. Really needed the laugh, though I am surprised you only put in "and get morons to the polls in droves" . Shouldn't it read morons and illegals?

  15. Truesoldier__ on June 22nd, 2012 12:41 pm

    What is it with the Obama's and free dinners? Do you think that they are getting an earful from their constiuencey over the higher food prices do to the Obama policies?

  16. Marshall_Will on June 22nd, 2012 12:42 pm

    What's really pathetic, as MM has noted, we're all supposed to leave FLOTUS alone and clear of political crosshairs ( that is unless she's doing proxy-begging for the P-Rez! )

    Whatever P-Rez.

    So they're writing off Georgia. Good to hear. Romney can concentrate his donations and firepower elsewhere.

  17. Truesoldier__ on June 22nd, 2012 12:43 pm

    "For the first 10 years of our marriage,(you know the time before she was proud of her country)"

  18. SignPainterGuy on June 22nd, 2012 1:55 pm

    Probably printed in Greenville,SC. Did you know the Asheville paper is printed in and delivered from Greenville ? Sounds really "cost-effective to me ! NOT !

  19. SignPainterGuy on June 22nd, 2012 1:56 pm

    I have that one !

  20. SignPainterGuy on June 22nd, 2012 1:59 pm

    Git rill, man; attendees / "winners" are vetted like nobody`s bidniss (Photo-ID req`d) ! All that happens at one of these things is a flood of accolades and fluffing ! No complaints or suggestions allowed !

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