California progressives attempt to put down grave threat posed by plastic straws and the wait staff who wield them

Having solved all other problems…

You’ve got to hand it to California’s progressive politicians for their ability to keep everything in its proper perspective:

Ian Calderon wants restaurateurs to think long and hard before giving you a straw.

Calderon, the Democratic majority leader in California’s lower house, has introduced a bill to stop sit-down restaurants from offering customers straws with their beverages unless they specifically request one. Under Calderon’s law, a waiter who serves a drink with an unrequested straw in it would face up to 6 months in jail and a fine of up to $1,000.

“We need to create awareness around the issue of one-time use plastic straws and its detrimental effects on our landfills, waterways, and oceans,” Calderon explained in a press release.

This isn’t just Calderon’s crusade. The California cities of San Luis Obispo and Davis both passed straws-on-request laws last year, and Manhattan Beach maintains a prohibition on all disposable plastics.

“What are you in for?”

“Grand theft auto, three counts. You?”

“Gave a dude too many straws when I was working at Denny’s.”

Here’s my favorite part of the straw usage data the California Dems used in arguing for their legislation:

Eco-Cycle is unable to provide any data to back up this number, telling Reason that it was relying on the research of one Milo Cress. Cress—whose Be Straw Free Campaign is hosted on Eco-Cycle’s website—tells Reason that he arrived at the 500 million straws a day figure from phone surveys he conducted of straw manufacturers in 2011, when he was just 9 years old.

That kid was at least probably more qualified to run a state government than these progressive loons in the legislature.

Only in California are you encouraged to order up a big batch of free hypodermic needles but your waiter might get perp-walked for bringing you a plastic straw.

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: