Monthly Archives: June 2018

Peak 2018 ‘journalism’: Politico runs article from Trump adviser’s 3rd grade classmate about what a wall-loving, glue-addicted doodie head he was

Frankly I don’t understand how The Onion is still even in business what with all the capable and stiff competition from the media since Trump took office. Case-in-point: Politico gave major space to somebody who sat next to Trump adviser Stephen Miller in the 3rd grade for this blockbuster report:

The MSM was largely incurious about many details of Barack Obama’s life, but dammit we’re going to find out if a Trump adviser ate paste in elementary school!

Basically Miller’s classmate is saying “I should have seen ‘the wall’ coming”:

Each time a new outrage emerges in the saga of Stephen Miller—author of the Muslim ban and chief architect of the child separation policy—I think of the year I spent with him. This was long before Miller, a senior adviser to the president, had earned a reputation as perhaps the cruelest and most ruthless member of the Trump administration.

It was the year he sat next to me in third grade.

At this point I had trouble continuing due to all the coffee I spit all over my laptop screen, but I soldiered on in the face of laughing so hard I might wet myself:

He especially was obsessed with tape and glue. Along the midpoint of our desk, Stephen laid down a piece of white masking tape, explaining that it marked the boundary of our sides and that I was not to cross it. The formality of this struck me as odd. I was a fairly neat kid, at least at school, and I had never spread my things to his side of the desk. Stephen, meanwhile, could not have been much messier: His side of the desk was sticky and peeling, littered with scraps of paper, misshapen erasers and pencil nubs.

If this adhesive division kept Stephen on his side of the desk, I was all for it, as unfriendly as it seemed. But instead, the tape became an attractive nuisance. Stephen picked at it with his fingernails, methodically, in a mixture of absentmindedness and what seemed like channeled hostility.

Good God, the author of this article was sitting next to sticky mini-Hitler and yet did nothing (which of course we know is all that needs to be done in order for evil to prevail).

This passage should be parlayed into a soft-core porn film titled “Fifty Shades of Paste”:

When Stephen wasn’t picking at the tape, he was playing with glue. He liked to pour it into his hands, forming grime-tinted glaciers in the valleys of his palms. Glue thusly in hand, he deployed his deepest powers of concentration to watch these pools harden. The first sign would be a rippling on the surface, as if from a winter gale. This would produce a precarious moment—as Stephen’s urge to stick a finger into the filmy layer became palpable, and his immobilized palm began to tire. Invariably, Stephen succumbed to this urge before the glue fully hardened, at which point the prior game transformed into a new one, the game of spreading still-viscous glue across the remainder of his hand.

Holy s**t, as a guy who also had a glue fetish in elementary school, I need a f***in’ cigarette after reading that!

If you’re still awake, here comes the part about how America ended up with a president bent on building a border wall:

What to make of this now, 25 years later? We were all grimy kids at some point, of course, with sticky hands and short attention spans. But it is at least poetic that Stephen was bent on building a nonsensical wall even back then, a wall that had more to do with what lay inside him than with what lay beyond. He thought he was trying to keep out the chaos of the world, when really he was looking for a way to explain away the chaos on his own side of the desk. For that was where chaos had always been.

That whole article, especially the last couple sentences above, are even better if you read them to yourself in the voice of Boris Karloff narrating “How the Grinch Stole Christmas.” The only thing missing at the end was, “And Miller’s already small heart shrank three more sizes that day…”

The story’s a total joke, and yet somehow I’m thinking that in the Trump era this Politico piece might get nominated for a Pulitzer.

About Time Mag’s symbol of the Trump admin’s parent/child separation policy…

It all started with Time Magazine turning a photo of a little girl crying at the border into a symbol of a border policy that’s been going on for years that the newly awakened media is blaming the current administration for:

Not that the mainstream media will give a s**t, but according to the Daily Mail, it was just another manufactured moment on the part of Time Mag (via Twitchy):

Denis Javier Varela Hernandez, 32, said that he had not heard from his wife Sandra, 32, who was with his two-year-old daughter Yanela Denise, for nearly three weeks until he saw the image of them being apprehended in Texas.

In an exclusive interview with DailyMail.com, Hernandez, who lives in Puerto Cortes, Honduras, says that he was told yesterday that his wife and child are being detained at a family residential center in Texas but are together and are doing ‘fine.’

‘You can imagine how I felt when I saw that photo of my daughter. It broke my heart. It’s difficult as a father to see that, but I know now that they are not in danger. They are safer now than when they were making that journey to the border,’ he said.

Denis said his wife and daughter were never separated by border control agents and remain together.

Another media total embarrassment? Yep.

So — the people weren’t fleeing violence and the child wasn’t separated from her parent. Other than that, you totally nailed the facts, Time Magazine!

The MSM will be quick to clarify all their hyperventilating stories about this, right? Of course not. Contrary to the NY Times and CNN’s new slogans, the facts matter less than ever.

I worked in local media for 20 years and have spent the last six years observing the media scene full time, and I can safely say “journalism” has never been anywhere near as big of a joke as it is right now. But you knew that already.

Stammer-time! Dem Sen. Tammy Baldwin gets asked if she criticized these same detention facilities when Obama was president

Hey, I’ve got to hand it to CNN for a change, because Brooke Baldwin really blindsided Dem Sen. Baldwin of Wisconsin with this question:

You could almost see smoke coming off Sen. Baldwin’s head while her brain short-circuited for several seconds. “The MSM’s not supposed to be challenging Democrats on this… what’s going on!?”

Here’s Sen. Baldwin’s reaction to that question condensed into six seconds:

Dem senators who demanded Trump stop splitting up families at the border slam Trump for keeping families together at the border

Elizabeth Warren and Kamala Harris have been Democrats demanding that the Trump administration stop separating kids from their parents at the border via a zero-tolerance approach to a law that’s been on the books for at least 20 years:

So yesterday, Trump signed an executive order doing what the liberals have asked, and that’s ending child separation at the border:

President Donald Trump on Wednesday signed an executive order to allow children to stay with parents caught crossing the border illegally — moving to stop the family separations that have triggered a national outcry and political crisis for Republicans.

The measure would allow children to stay in detention with parents for an extended period of time. This comes as congressional Republicans scramble to draft legislation to address the same issue, but face challenges mustering the votes.

At that point, Democrats celebrated and thanked the president for doing exactly as they asked. JUST KIDDING!

Dances With Identity Theft, along with Harris and the rest of the Dems won’t stop until Trump agrees to completely open borders and to make everybody in the country illegally registered Democrats will full voting rights.

This isn’t really about “the children.” If it was these people might have mentioned the same issue when it was going on under Obama and previous presidents.

Chuck Schumer encourages Trump to sidestep Congress in desperate attempt to keep Dem fingerprints off any border ‘fix’

This shows how desperate the Democrats are on the issue of border detentions. They do NOT want their fingerprints on any “fix” to the current law, so it’s come to this:

In other words, Schumer wants to make sure that no matter what happens the Dems will be able to blame a Trump EO.

And that’s pretty much what Trump’s going to do:

President Trump, speaking with members of Congress at the White House, addressed the border crisis, saying he would sign an executive order soon that keeps immigrant families together.

By the way, the Dems’ 100 percent pivot to focusing on border issues sums up nicely how well their anti-NRA campaign was going over with voters.

Also, if Trump issues a border EO to stop family separation it’s not going to stop libs from calling him Hitler. If anything it’ll embolden them. Case in point: The ACLU simply moving the goal posts:

NOTHING but class: Dem congressional intern shouts ‘F**K YOU’ while Trump walks through U.S. Capitol

It’s a damn good thing this country has Democrats like this to help lead the way when it comes to keeping the discourse civil!

I read comments here and there wondering if the intern would face any consequences. Ha! Hell, that person will probably be feted with a huge party and thanked via a special recorded message from former President Obama.

But that Dem intern (or whoever it was) wasn’t the only lefty trying to turn Trump’s visit to the Capitol into a campaign ad:

The Trump administration is enforcing a law that’s been on the books pretty much since Bill Clinton was diddlin’ Monica Lewinsky in the Oval Office, but for some reason the Dems don’t seem in any hurry to change it.

The James Comey/Hillary Clinton thing might REALLY be about to come full circle!

Cue up Alanis Morissette’s “Ironic” and proceed…

James Comey’s under federal investigation for mishandling information now deemed classified:

“Comey said he did not expect a report on his handling of classified information because, ‘That’s frivolous.’ I don’t happen to think that it is frivolous,” Sen. Chuck Grassley said during a Senate hearing Monday.

“Question number one, Mr. Horowitz, are you investigating the handling of his memo and does that include the classification issues, and should Mr. Comey expect a report when it’s complete?” Grassley asked.

“We received a referral on that from the FBI. We are handling that referral and we will issue a report when the matter is complete, consistent with the law and rules that are — a report that’s consistent and takes those into account,” Horowitz responded.

You might recall that Comey admitted at a congressional hearing last year that he leaked information to a friend who Comey asked to give it to the New York Times. Comey’s intent was to prompt the appointment of a special counsel against Trump — and yet the Dems continue with the laughable claims that the FBI had a thumb on the scale in favor of Trump (paging Strzok & Page!).

Also, make of this what you will:

Do it, Jimbo! Run!

That would mean Comey’d be running for president while under FBI investigation. What could possibly go wrong? Ask Hillary. Three words of advice for Comey if he does run: Bathroom email server.

Planned Parenthood’s ‘Champion of the Century’ throws her Bible at the Trump admin over border policies

Remember how awful liberals always think it is for public officials to bring their Christian faith into public policy? So do liberals like Hillary Clinton:

Funny stuff! Now find a Bible quote to throw back at conservatives over this kind of stuff…

Just last year:

Hillary Clinton will be honored next month in New York City with a “Champion of the Century Award” by Planned Parenthood as it celebrates 100 years of operation.

The U.S. presidential election may have went to Donald Trump, but his Democratic Party challenger is still a “Champion of the Century” to Planned Parenthood CEO Cecile Richards. Mrs. Clinton will be honored by the abortion and health services provider on May 2 for “her 40 years of service to women and girls.”

2016:

Come on, Hillary! Find us some Bible quotes to justify that.

Bonus Hillary shamelessness:

Hillary Clinton is joining the rest of The Resistance in sounding the “Hitler/Nazi/concentration camp/genocide” alarm about what’s happening at the border (based on laws that go back about 20 years).

Hillary 2018 disagrees vehemently with Hillary 2014:

Maybe Hillary 2018 should find some Bible quotes with which to slam Hillary 2014.

(h/t @JammieWF)

Former WH ethics lawyer releases dumpster fire of a campaign ad about how he’ll put out DC dumpster fires

Richard Painter was a White House ethics lawyer during the George W. Bush administration is running for Congress as a Democrat in Minnesota. As a dumpster fire of an ad about the need to put out dumpster fires, this is as meta as it gets:

At first I thought that voice was John Brunnell, who narrates the World’s Wildest Police Videos show.

Painter’s the guy who last month said the American Revolution was probably pointless because of Trump. No, seriously.

His “dumpster fire” ad is projection writ large.

Planned Parenthood’s twofer on children at the borders and Father’s Day is… something else

Planned Parenthood doesn’t do mammograms, but they do obviously perform compunction bypass surgeries on many of their employees. Imagine them saying this without being bowled over by pangs of shame:

There are so many levels of self-awareness fail in that tweet it should have an elevator installed.