For the eBay adventurer…

A deep sea salvage company called Nauticos is selling on eBay four spots on their next expedition to search for Amelia Earhart’s lost plane. Earhart and navigator Fred Noonan were attempting to fly around the world in 1937, and it didn’t go all that well.

Should Nauticos find the wrecked plane at the bottom of the ocean, they’ll prove two long held theories: Men refuse to stop and ask directions, and women can’t drive.

Join the "51 Capital March" to protest voting fraud… I think the "51" is in there because they're predicting national attendance

I’ll give the left credit… they’re as persistent as chronic herpes, but as predictable as the contents of Liza Minelli’s medicine cabinet.

They just can’t let it go, can they? A website called “51 Capital March” is promoting a protest on Sunday, December 12th. You’re supposed to show up at your state capital and, well, bitch about something to do with the voting process. That’s where I get confused. They’re about as vague as Michael Jackson describing to the cops what went on at Neverland as to what specific “vote fraud” they’re referring to.

A quick click to the “donate to” page and you can see a list of third, fourth, fifth, sixtieth, and hundred-and-fifty-second party candidates who are raising money for hand recounts. There, they hope to perhaps find an extra vote so they can justify the expenses by saying, “See, if it weren’t for the recount, we wouldn’t know that Badnarik was screwed out of 50% of his votes!” — Not mentioning of course that it was simply because he went from one to two.

This from the “FAQ” page:

Q– I live in a blue state. Kerry won here. Like, why should we protest?

A– Simple: If the right to vote is compromised, you, me, everyone lose the ability to determine who leads this country.

I have one to add.

Q– If Kerry had won, like, would you care at all about any of this?

A– “Is that the phone I hear ringing?”

Join the “51 Capital March” to protest voting fraud… I think the “51″ is in there because they’re predicting national attendance

I’ll give the left credit… they’re as persistent as chronic herpes, but as predictable as the contents of Liza Minelli’s medicine cabinet.

They just can’t let it go, can they? A website called “51 Capital March” is promoting a protest on Sunday, December 12th. You’re supposed to show up at your state capital and, well, bitch about something to do with the voting process. That’s where I get confused. They’re about as vague as Michael Jackson describing to the cops what went on at Neverland as to what specific “vote fraud” they’re referring to.

A quick click to the “donate to” page and you can see a list of third, fourth, fifth, sixtieth, and hundred-and-fifty-second party candidates who are raising money for hand recounts. There, they hope to perhaps find an extra vote so they can justify the expenses by saying, “See, if it weren’t for the recount, we wouldn’t know that Badnarik was screwed out of 50% of his votes!” — Not mentioning of course that it was simply because he went from one to two.

This from the “FAQ” page:

Q– I live in a blue state. Kerry won here. Like, why should we protest?

A– Simple: If the right to vote is compromised, you, me, everyone lose the ability to determine who leads this country.

I have one to add.

Q– If Kerry had won, like, would you care at all about any of this?

A– “Is that the phone I hear ringing?”

Shameless plug of the week, and today's complete waste of time

If you haven’t read it and have a few minutes to kill, this week’s column is about whether or not Kofi Annan should step down as UN Secretary General.

I wrote, in part, about The Minneapolis Star Tribune’s op-ed taking Norm Coleman to task for demanding Annan’s resignation, but neglected a link to it in the column. It’s here.

With that out of the way…

Today’s complete waste of time:

Something I put together about three years ago, in the shank of the evening, and I just ran across it again. It’s dumb, it’s weird, it’s shocking that some people didn’t know it was a joke. It’s a photo album of My vacation in Afghanistan.

Shameless plug of the week, and today’s complete waste of time

If you haven’t read it and have a few minutes to kill, this week’s column is about whether or not Kofi Annan should step down as UN Secretary General.

I wrote, in part, about The Minneapolis Star Tribune’s op-ed taking Norm Coleman to task for demanding Annan’s resignation, but neglected a link to it in the column. It’s here.

With that out of the way…

Today’s complete waste of time:

Something I put together about three years ago, in the shank of the evening, and I just ran across it again. It’s dumb, it’s weird, it’s shocking that some people didn’t know it was a joke. It’s a photo album of My vacation in Afghanistan.

Um, just shut up and go Tommy

Outgoing Secretary of Health and Human Services, Tommy Thompson, said before heading for the door, “For the life of me, I cannot understand why the terrorists have not attacked our food supply because it is so easy to do.” Bush covered for him a bit, while holding the door, motioning out, and handing Thompson his coat and hat.

If this trend catches on, I expect the next football game I watch to have the coach telling reporters at halftime, “I can’t believe they’re not throwing against our right corner… he’s got a bum knee!”

Hopefully this knocks Thompson out of any consideration whatsoever, now or in the future, to be National Security Advisor. I can hear the press conference now:

“Mr. Thompson, how are we prepared for any domestic terrorist threat?”

“Well, except for the fact that the security guard at the Fermi II nuclear power plant takes a nap between noon and 2 every day and always leaves the door unlocked, those things they tell you detect plastic explosives at the airport aren’t really hooked up to anything, and you can buy enriched plutonium from a guy at 24512 Beechwood Court in Tampa, Florida, I’d say we’re pretty well secure.”

Ohio vote update

In case you were on pins and needles, Bush is still ahead in Ohio. Despite the well over 100,ooo vote margin, left wing groups, Kerry’s people, and professional pests of all sorts are donning their chad-retardant suits prepared to dive in for a recount. (a “chad retardant suit” is, in psychological circles, better known as a “straight jacket”)

In Washington, Democrats have raised enough money for a recount of that state’s ballots cast in the race for Governor.

This is getting embarrassing, and they’re going to drive themselves to further insanity. Don’t they see that this is what caused Al Gore to suddenly look like he swallowed Sebastian Cabot and start swatting at imaginary flies?

"Mr. Kerik, tear down this color coded terror threat level"

Former NYPD commissioner Bernard Kerik has been nominated to be the new Director of Homeland Security. Tom Ridge, as near as I can tell given my complete lack of information privy, did a bang up job starting up the fledgling department.

That said, the color coded threat level thing has to go. OK, so we’ve got an alert that interior designers can understand, but what about the rest of us? And I guess if you’re colorblind, you may as well go and turn your infidel self over to al-Qaida right now, ’cause you’re hosed under the current system.

Besides, when no information is shared, whatever “level” we’re on is meaningless. If the level is “red”, that means there’s a good chance something could happen. Where? Don’t know. How? Um, got me. Maybe it’s helpful for internal government and policing purposes, but all it does for those of us in the general population is make us duck behind the yams every time somebody in the grocery store makes a sudden move.

Just for the record, if Mr. Kerik does decide to keep the color coded threat level system, I’d only ask that a “lavender” level be added to warn us when the next Liza Minelli wedding is imminent.

“Mr. Kerik, tear down this color coded terror threat level”

Former NYPD commissioner Bernard Kerik has been nominated to be the new Director of Homeland Security. Tom Ridge, as near as I can tell given my complete lack of information privy, did a bang up job starting up the fledgling department.

That said, the color coded threat level thing has to go. OK, so we’ve got an alert that interior designers can understand, but what about the rest of us? And I guess if you’re colorblind, you may as well go and turn your infidel self over to al-Qaida right now, ’cause you’re hosed under the current system.

Besides, when no information is shared, whatever “level” we’re on is meaningless. If the level is “red”, that means there’s a good chance something could happen. Where? Don’t know. How? Um, got me. Maybe it’s helpful for internal government and policing purposes, but all it does for those of us in the general population is make us duck behind the yams every time somebody in the grocery store makes a sudden move.

Just for the record, if Mr. Kerik does decide to keep the color coded threat level system, I’d only ask that a “lavender” level be added to warn us when the next Liza Minelli wedding is imminent.

New Muslim television station to showcase the wacky side of the religion

Watching the news this morning, I saw an interview with the man who is starting the first cable operation targeted to Muslims in the US and Canada. It’s called “Bridges Television.” The company’s CEO, Muzzammil S. Hassan (thank you, ‘copy & paste’!) listed the many avenues of entertainment the station would provide. This list included “stand-up comedians.”

It never occurred to me before that I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Muslim stand-up comedian. This could be worth the price of subscribing.

__________

“And now, ladies and gentlemen, in his first appearance here in the Sahara at the Mirage (literally), please give a warm Sahrawi welcome to Uzbekistanian comedian Fareed Khalid Hassan!”

“Take my wives, please! But seriously, what’s the deal with Suha Arafat? She’s rich and simgle now? What a catch! Sure, you’ll need some serious “Burqa goggles” on, but she’s got billions in secret bank accounts– She’s loaded with more Swiss than a ski lodge in the Alps and Michael Moore’s fried cheese sandwich combined. Thank you! I’ll be here all Ramadan…be sure to tip your wait staff, an try the falafel!”