Another bright spot for Jimmy Carter’s resume after he successfully mediated the grand opening of the Clinton Library

The Clintons were there, the Bush family was there, Bono and The Edge from U2 were there, and so was Jimmy Carter. This non violent mixing of ideologies would have never been possible if it weren’t for Carter’s skilled mediation. Okay, it would have, but I was dying to say something positive about Carter.

So the Clinton Presidential Center has officially unzipped its doors, and it’s only $7 to get in the door. If you want to sleep in the exact replica of the Lincoln Bedroom, that’ll be around $100,000 extra.

Deadly Toy Story II: Irwin Mainway busted by WATCH

The annual holiday list of dangerous toys is out. A group called “WATCH” (“World Against Toys Causing Harm”… no kidding…) holds an annual “toy conference” where apparently adults play with stuff until somebody gets hurt or dies… then that toy goes on the “dangerous” list. They replace that adult with another adult who plays with toys until somebody else gets hurt or dies, then that toy goes on the list. This goes on until there are ten deadly toys. The turnover rate of employees at WATCH headquarters must be amazingly higher than the national average.

Here are the ten most dangerous. This reminds me… I really miss lawn darts.

Are you ready for some saucy cross promotion (and football, if there's time)?

Watching the beginning of the Monday Night Football coverage took me a little by surprise, I must confess (here’s the video if you haven’t seen it). This particular video cuts out before the final scene where Terrell Owens pulls out a Sharpie marker from his sock after scoring and signs Nicolette Sheridan.

It wasn’t for any reason such as indecency necessarily, but my chagrin had much more to do with how absolutely ridiculous the NFL coverage on all networks is getting. The cross promotion is almost unbearable.

“3rd and 5… Manning drops back… and you’ll drop back, in time, when you watch “Back to the Future”, tonight at 8!”

Football fans want to watch football, not T.O.’s cup suffering a stress fracture in the locker room with a “Desperate Housewife”. Football lovers may have to start their own show, “Desperate Football Fans”.

Just show the game, guys.

Are you ready for some saucy cross promotion (and football, if there’s time)?

Watching the beginning of the Monday Night Football coverage took me a little by surprise, I must confess (here’s the video if you haven’t seen it). This particular video cuts out before the final scene where Terrell Owens pulls out a Sharpie marker from his sock after scoring and signs Nicolette Sheridan.

It wasn’t for any reason such as indecency necessarily, but my chagrin had much more to do with how absolutely ridiculous the NFL coverage on all networks is getting. The cross promotion is almost unbearable.

“3rd and 5… Manning drops back… and you’ll drop back, in time, when you watch “Back to the Future”, tonight at 8!”

Football fans want to watch football, not T.O.’s cup suffering a stress fracture in the locker room with a “Desperate Housewife”. Football lovers may have to start their own show, “Desperate Football Fans”.

Just show the game, guys.

US Taxpayers to give Palestinian Authority $20 million, Bush refuses to save postage by mailing it directly to Suha Arafat

“West Bank & Distrust” is about to get another deposit.

President Bush will announce soon that he’s sending around $20 million to the Palestinian Authority. Yep, the same Palestinian Authority that is going to pay $22 million per year to the woman who once suffered from the worst case of beer goggles in all history and married Yasser Arafat, Suha Arafat.

The money is supposed to help the Palestinians organize elections to replace Arafat. $1o million would have done the trick, but to rig an election on the West Bank, $20 million is the going rate.

Website note

Just a reminder… I’m working on a new site, but my old one with all the archives and other goodies can still be accessed here. Until then, I hope you bookmark the web log and check back often.

"I'm John Kerry, and I'm finally reporting for senate duty!"

On his first day back to work in the US Senate, John Kerry got a giddy standing ovation from his staff. It was just like MacArthur’s triumphant return to the Leyte beach in the Philippines in 1944… okay, it was nothing like that, except for a few wet pants.

Unless Noam Chomsky was elected and I haven’t heard about it, Kerry returns as the most liberal member of the senate– The first presidential candidate to return to the senate after a defeat since McGovern. I think Mondale tried, but the Democrats changed the locks.

Kerry told a reporter that he couldn’t rule out running for the presidency again in 2008. One glance around the Senate should make him aware of his enormous contributions to the dwindling pool of Democrats in the chamber, but he won’t attribute that to his positions on the issues, which are wildly unpopular outside the Massachusetts cotillion sect and meeting rooms of labor union leadership.

If the Democrats nominate Kerry yet again (a mistake they’d never again make… next time, they’ll find a completely different northeast liberal senator), the history books will refer to the first Tuesday in November of 2008 not as “election day”, but rather as “Little Bighorn II.”

Sure, Senator, feel free to run again.

“I’m John Kerry, and I’m finally reporting for senate duty!”

On his first day back to work in the US Senate, John Kerry got a giddy standing ovation from his staff. It was just like MacArthur’s triumphant return to the Leyte beach in the Philippines in 1944… okay, it was nothing like that, except for a few wet pants.

Unless Noam Chomsky was elected and I haven’t heard about it, Kerry returns as the most liberal member of the senate– The first presidential candidate to return to the senate after a defeat since McGovern. I think Mondale tried, but the Democrats changed the locks.

Kerry told a reporter that he couldn’t rule out running for the presidency again in 2008. One glance around the Senate should make him aware of his enormous contributions to the dwindling pool of Democrats in the chamber, but he won’t attribute that to his positions on the issues, which are wildly unpopular outside the Massachusetts cotillion sect and meeting rooms of labor union leadership.

If the Democrats nominate Kerry yet again (a mistake they’d never again make… next time, they’ll find a completely different northeast liberal senator), the history books will refer to the first Tuesday in November of 2008 not as “election day”, but rather as “Little Bighorn II.”

Sure, Senator, feel free to run again.

This time, the only thing Viagra gets yanked are their ads

The FDA said that Pfizer’s new Viagra ads are misleading. Pfizer is pulling the ads, which the FDA says fails to mention major side effects, such as the ability to act as your own kickstand when you fall asleep, and for the suggestive nature of the ad itself.

The ad shows a man, and the voiceover says, “Remember the guy who used to be called ‘Wild Thing’? He’s back!”

This should make women cringe. Her man was probably called “Wild thing” back in college because he would drink a fifth of JD, smoke a doobie the size of a rolled up Sunday edition of The New York Times, and stick his johnson in an electric cow milker while crushing empty Bud cans on his forehead.

Women don’t want “the one that was called ‘Wild Thing'” back. Trust me, Pfizer. Better to pull the ads.