Email of the week…so far.

From a supposedly young man named Robert, in a letter with the subject line “UR WRONG!” I assume this is about a column I wrote on Hollywood, and, I imagine, Joe McCarthy’s “Subversive Celebrity Dossier“:

I dont agree with you at all. You are way unfair about Barbra Streisand. She is the coolest person on earth and this is coming from a 16 year old. I have been a Streisand Fan since I was 2.I would pay hundreds to see her if i had it. Ps. She wouldn’t spell anything wrong she graduated early from Eramus High School and as one of the top people of her class.

Well Robert, I’ll go with the assumption that you’re a young man who loves Streisand. I can only say a three things: 1) There’s no accounting for taste, 2) Yes, Barbra does have a fine singing voice, and 3) Keep it up and you may someday have to get used to the title of “Mr. Liza Minelli.”

James Carville helps this "Meet the Press" viewer find religion…now I'm worshipping the porcelain God

On “Meet the Press” this past Sunday, James Carville pulled out an egg and smashed it on his head, covering his dome and mug with slimy yolk, the egg oozing down his face, filling every warlock-like feature with a breakfast food I’ll never again touch. He did it to demonstrate how he had egg on his face after predicting Kerry would win the election. No demostration was necessary.

So, if I seem a bit off my game today, it’s because I’m still recovering after witnessing something that would have made even the hardiest of iron-bellied Cajuns projectile-hurl their gumbo halfway across Shreveport.

James Carville helps this “Meet the Press” viewer find religion…now I’m worshipping the porcelain God

On “Meet the Press” this past Sunday, James Carville pulled out an egg and smashed it on his head, covering his dome and mug with slimy yolk, the egg oozing down his face, filling every warlock-like feature with a breakfast food I’ll never again touch. He did it to demonstrate how he had egg on his face after predicting Kerry would win the election. No demostration was necessary.

So, if I seem a bit off my game today, it’s because I’m still recovering after witnessing something that would have made even the hardiest of iron-bellied Cajuns projectile-hurl their gumbo halfway across Shreveport.

Shameless plug o' the week

This week’s column is about the abject trauma and chronic misery of Post Election Stress Trauma, or PEST. Symptoms of those afflicted include mild depression, fatigue, and perpetual insistance on nominating and supporting the unelectable. Check it out here.

Update: Patients who have been treated for PEST are talking about their therapy sessions. One particular woman in this story said it helped her a great deal. She was very concerned, in part, with economic issues. The doctor dealt with it effectively by charging her for the session so she would walk out with less money. See? Bush is bad for her economy. Her feelings validated, she left the session with her head held high, her formerly heavy heart replaced by a light wallet.

Shameless plug o’ the week

This week’s column is about the abject trauma and chronic misery of Post Election Stress Trauma, or PEST. Symptoms of those afflicted include mild depression, fatigue, and perpetual insistance on nominating and supporting the unelectable. Check it out here.

Update: Patients who have been treated for PEST are talking about their therapy sessions. One particular woman in this story said it helped her a great deal. She was very concerned, in part, with economic issues. The doctor dealt with it effectively by charging her for the session so she would walk out with less money. See? Bush is bad for her economy. Her feelings validated, she left the session with her head held high, her formerly heavy heart replaced by a light wallet.

Clinton Presidential Library to open Thursday, visitors will flock to "impeachment wing"… no kidding…stop laughing

Chappaqua (which is an Algonquin word for “Land where heap big adulterer sleep on couch”) will be two people lighter this week, because the Clintons will be in Little Rock for a grand opening, and not one that will get Bill into trouble this time.

Bill Clinton’s presidential library, which, fittingly, looks like a trailer that slid halfway off the truck, will have the grand opening this Thursday. I’ll give them points for not running from the past, because the library will have an area dedicated to Clinton’s impeachment.

This could be good business sense. If the exact replica of the Oval Office is interactive, they’ll discover a whole lot of paying customers.

For $165 million, I hope they did make the museum interactive. These people could make a fortune by charging a premium for rides in “the Monica simulator.” Guys would be lined up five deep clear around the corner to pay $20 a head … (Hang on while I try to figure out a way to reword the previous sentence…) OK, they’d be lined up five deep clear around the corner to pay $20 a person.

Visitors could also try their luck on the “Rodham cowboy!” an electronic bull in the likeness of the New York senator and former first lady. Riders insert $5 into the receptacle, whisper, “I got caught schtupping another tubby intern” into the built-in microphone, and see how many seconds they can hold on before being thrown off.

“Decipher that Dick” would definitely be a crowd favorite. Contestants win great prizes if they can pick up the phone in the Oval Office, and are able to understand what Dick Morris is mumbling while his mouth is full of a hooker’s toes.

The “Clinton Library Apprentice” would also be a big hit. Players in this game pay to compete to see who can find out which of the library’s employees used to work in the White House Travel Office, and be the first to tell them, “you’re fired.” Winners get Bill’s “Walt Whitman’s Sampler”– a box containing four truffles and a copy of “Leaves of Grass.”

Watch out, Arkansas… the Clinton’s are back in town.

Clinton Presidential Library to open Thursday, visitors will flock to “impeachment wing”… no kidding…stop laughing

Chappaqua (which is an Algonquin word for “Land where heap big adulterer sleep on couch”) will be two people lighter this week, because the Clintons will be in Little Rock for a grand opening, and not one that will get Bill into trouble this time.

Bill Clinton’s presidential library, which, fittingly, looks like a trailer that slid halfway off the truck, will have the grand opening this Thursday. I’ll give them points for not running from the past, because the library will have an area dedicated to Clinton’s impeachment.

This could be good business sense. If the exact replica of the Oval Office is interactive, they’ll discover a whole lot of paying customers.

For $165 million, I hope they did make the museum interactive. These people could make a fortune by charging a premium for rides in “the Monica simulator.” Guys would be lined up five deep clear around the corner to pay $20 a head … (Hang on while I try to figure out a way to reword the previous sentence…) OK, they’d be lined up five deep clear around the corner to pay $20 a person.

Visitors could also try their luck on the “Rodham cowboy!” an electronic bull in the likeness of the New York senator and former first lady. Riders insert $5 into the receptacle, whisper, “I got caught schtupping another tubby intern” into the built-in microphone, and see how many seconds they can hold on before being thrown off.

“Decipher that Dick” would definitely be a crowd favorite. Contestants win great prizes if they can pick up the phone in the Oval Office, and are able to understand what Dick Morris is mumbling while his mouth is full of a hooker’s toes.

The “Clinton Library Apprentice” would also be a big hit. Players in this game pay to compete to see who can find out which of the library’s employees used to work in the White House Travel Office, and be the first to tell them, “you’re fired.” Winners get Bill’s “Walt Whitman’s Sampler”– a box containing four truffles and a copy of “Leaves of Grass.”

Watch out, Arkansas… the Clinton’s are back in town.

CSI: CBS

As if CBS didn’t have enough problems, now they’re firing the wrong people.

When word that Yasser Arafat died hit the newsroom at CBS, a hot to trot producer immediately aired the news… The problem was, they did it during the last few minutes of CSI: NY. This ticked off many American viewers– Most didn’t think the news was worthy of a program interruption, and some of whom thought “Arafat” was a cooking oil substitute.

So, what does CBS do? They fired the news producer. Hey, at least the Arafat story was true. This producer should have had a fake story about Bush on the air, and he or she would have been lauded by their peers and still had a job, just like Rather.

Sooner or later, CBS will face the critical decision of whether or not to break in to primetime programming to report news of their own demise.

The now famous "Marlboro Man in Fallujah" photo must have some of the far left's environmentally friendly undies in a wad

Marine Lance Cpl. James Blake Miller

Conservative caption: “Brave Marine takes a break from taking out terrorists with bullets.”

Leftist pencil-neck college prof caption: “Soldier in unjust and illegal military action taking out innocent citizens of a formerly sovereign nation with second-hand smoke.”

The now famous “Marlboro Man in Fallujah” photo must have some of the far left’s environmentally friendly undies in a wad

Marine Lance Cpl. James Blake Miller

Conservative caption: “Brave Marine takes a break from taking out terrorists with bullets.”

Leftist pencil-neck college prof caption: “Soldier in unjust and illegal military action taking out innocent citizens of a formerly sovereign nation with second-hand smoke.”