Obituary of the Week

Published in the Denver Post on April 12, 2012:

Blanchard, Michael “Flathead”
1944 ~ 2012

A Celebration of the life of Michael “Flathead” Blanchard will be held on April 14th, 3 pm 8160 Rosemary St, Commerce City. Weary of reading obituaries noting someone’s courageous battle with death, Mike wanted it known that he died as a result of being stubborn, refusing to follow doctors’ orders and raising hell for more than six decades. He enjoyed booze, guns, cars and younger women until the day he died.

Mike was born July 1944 in Colorado to Clyde and Ethel Blanchard. A community activist, he is noted for saving the Dr. Justina Ford house from demolition and defending those who could not defend themselves. He was a Republican delegate, life member of the NRA, founder and President of the Dead Cats MC. He loved music.

Mike was preceded in death by Clyde and Ethel Blanchard, survived by his beloved sons Mike and Chopper, former wife Jane Transue, brother Stephen Blanchard (Susan), Uncle Don and Aunt Cynthia Blanchard(his favorite); Uncle Dill and Aunt Dot, cousins and nephews. Baba Yaga can kiss his butt. So many of his childhood friends that weren’t killed in Vietnam went on to become criminals, prostitutes and/or Democrats. He asks that you stop by and re-tell the stories he can no longer tell. As the Celebration will contain Adult material we respectfully ask that no children under 18 attend.

And You Thought ‘Library Cops’ Only Existed in Seinfeld Episodes?

In the “having solved all other crimes” file we find this:

A Charlton mom says her local library crossed the line when they sent police to collect her daughter’s overdue library books.

Her mom says the 5-year-old girl was so afraid that she burst into tears.

Charlton Police Sergeant Dan Dowd stopped by the home of Shannon Benoit to let her know that her daughter had two books several months overdue which needed to be returned or paid for.

“What’cha in for?”

“Murder. What about you, kid?”

“Stuart Little three weeks overdue.”

Here’s a dramatization of the Charlton library cop’s visit to the Benoit home:

Happy Thanksgiving!

An extra special “Happy Thanksgiving” to all those who read and comment here as well as your families! It’s been a fun year (which is still far from over) and next year should be even… uh… funner.

On this day as always, in addition to health and happiness for my family, I’m thankful that God let me live in a country where people are free to do what we do here, which is opine, laugh, mock, criticize and yes, on rare occasion, praise, those in positions of power. And I’m especially thankful for those of you who serve or have served in the greatest military in the world who have sacrificed so much to make that possible and continue to fight to keep America the last best hope of mankind.

I’m spending the day with my family and I’ve already got my Lions hat on waiting for kickoff at 12:30. The Packers are a machine this year. If the Lions are firing on all cylinders and keep the mistakes to zero, they’ll have a chance. After that the Cowboys should be able to handle the Dolphins.

I saw this classic WKRP in Cincinnati clip yesterday at Hot Air and can’t help but put it here:

Happy Thanksgiving all!

News Video of the Week

I don’t know if Chris Farley has a brother, but if he does, we’ve found him.

Here’s a local news interview with a Phoenix man who was rear-ended by an out-of-control SUV which then ran into a utility pole, knocking down power lines.

“Reality hits you hard, bro.” I’ll take that on a t-shirt, please:

Power Lines Fall on Crashed Vehicle, Driver Trapped:

If they ever make Tommy Boy II, that guy will be perfect.

2 Things Will Survive a Nuclear Holocaust: Cockroaches and Porn

I’ll bet your grandfather never thought of this when he was digging the family nuke shelter in the backyard 1953… or maybe he did for all I know:

LOS ANGELES (CBS) — A San Fernando Valley adult entertainment studio began construction this month on what it calls a “post-apocalyptic” underground bunker in anticipation of a global catastrophe rumored to take place in late 2012.

A spokesman for Van Nuys-based Pink Visual said the bunker will be “far more than a mere bomb shelter or subterranean survivalist enclave” with amenities such as multiple fully-stocked bars, an enormous performing stage and a sophisticated content production studio.

“Our goal is nothing less than to survive the apocalypse to come in comfort and luxury,” said Pink Visual spokesman Quentin Boyer.

I think The Onion was the first to propose a similar idea.

Reports say the adult entertainment apocalypse shelter will hold 1,200 to 1,500 people. On the downside, you’ll have to live our your remaining years locked in a bunker watching Charlie Sheen tuck $50 bills into the g-string of a stripper named Gigi Geigercounter.

Nobody Flashes the Million Dollar Man: Michael Moore

Nobody Reports: Michael Moore was out in Wisconsin yesterday, demanding that all the rich who are hoarding our money hand it over. And because he is one of the rich, he said he was going to take all his money and make it into a bunch of million- dollar men, made up of hundred dollar bills, to be handed out to all the teachers unions in Wisconsin.

Actually, he didn’t say that, I did, which is why Michael Moore complaining that the rich don’t pay their full share is such a joke.

This is what he DID say on his blog, and how Nobody answered.

Michael: I have nothing more than a high school degree. But back when I was in school, every student had to take one semester of economics in order to graduate. And here’s what I learned: Money doesn’t grow on trees. It grows when we make things. It grows when we have good jobs with good wages that we use to buy the things we need and thus create more jobs.

Nobody: It doesn’t? Don’t tell that to the woman who knew when Obama was elected she would not ever have to pay for rent, or gas for her car ever again. To many people, it comes in the mail for free. So do food stamps. Michael economics 101..Okay…keep going Michael.

Michael: It grows when we provide an outstanding educational system that then grows a new generation of inventers, entrepreneurs, artists, scientists and thinkers who come up with the next great idea for the planet. And that new idea creates new jobs and that creates revenue for the state.

Nobody: America spends more money per student on education than any other country in the world, Michael, and yet, we do not have an outstanding educational system. In parts of Wisconsin, half the kids don’t even graduate high school. And why is that Michael? The unions. By the way, who was your high school economics teacher? Was his name Karl?

Michael: But if those who have the most money don’t pay their fair share of taxes, the state can’t function. Just 400 Americans have more wealth than half of all Americans combined wages,

Nobody: Well hey–I agree with that! Sixty percent of the people pay no taxes at all. Let’s get them to start forking over. And guess what? Even if you took all the money from all 400 rich people, (who I agree, some should be in jail) you would not even make a dent in the deficit. Go back to the chalkboard, cupcake.

Michael: The schools can’t produce the best and the brightest who will go on to create those jobs.

Nobody: Has it ever occurred to you to go back to your first lessons of economics and privatized the schools? Get all that union money and big brother out of it? No, I can see you’re not feeling well.

Michael: If the wealthy get to keep most of their money, we have seen what they will do with it: recklessly gamble it on crazy Wall Street schemes and crash our economy. The crash they created cost us millions of jobs. That too caused a reduction in revenue. And the population ended up suffering because they reduced their taxes,(Nobody says..huh? Where?) reduced our jobs and took wealth out of the system, removing it from circulation.

Nobody: Michael, one of the reasons you are a multimillionaire is because you have stock in all those great big companies you hate. What happened? Did you lose some money in the stock market? Or is this all about your next movie; “Bloviating Socialism in Wisconsin” ?

Michael: They have bought and paid for hundreds of politicians across the country to do their bidding for them. But just in case that doesn’t work, they’ve got their gated communities, and the luxury jet is always fully fueled, the engines running, waiting for that day they hope never comes.

Nobody: Well, here’s the catch. Michael has a point on this. Our big corporations, banks, and politicians, are not separate anymore. Everyone knows it, and Michael is using the pain people are felling right now to guide us all into a communist state. He blames the rich, instead of where the blame should be put: corruption in our government.

Sadly, Michael Moore is the prime example of why our educational system has to be overhauled completely. Look what it did to him.

As our founders reminded us: only an educated people can hold on to a Republic, and it’s up to us to keep fighting the unions.

Now, somebody give that man a wheelchair before he has a heart attack.


Joyanna Adams sitting in for the Master. Visit me at

Joyanna Adams Here: Sitting in for the Master of Powerful Wit…Doug Powers

Nobody’s Flashes: Louis Farrakhan, that lovable public enemy number-two, has just warned us all: “What you see happening there (Middle East) you’d better prepare, because it will be coming to your door soon.”
To which my baby tea party spirit says, “Oh yeah? “
Is it me? Didn’t that sound like a threat?
According to Louis Walcott, his real name, (sort of like President Barry, who also took a Muslim name)— Louis proclaims that whites are not civilized. (Come on…if Obama was a real Christian he would have run as Barry Soetoro.)
Farrakhan says that L. Ron Hubbard can save us, and if we hurry, we can all be as civilized as his good friend, Moo-moo Gaddhafi, or that other lovable black leader, Zimbabwe’s Robert Mugabe, or even Hitler, who by all accounts according to Louis, was a good man.
Remember the million-man marches? This nobody remembers how it was reported to be a wonderful Christian gathering for the  men to come back and be responsible for their families again. No mention back then that this guy was a die-hard Muslim/communist leader who had founded over 130 Mosques here.
THAT wasn’t on MSNBC.
Did you also know that Nation of Islam believes that white people were created from blacks 4,000 years ago on an Aegean island by a black scientist.. …ummmm…what was his name again? Caliphatitis?
Really, why is this guy NOT in jail somewhere picking bugs out of Charlie Mansion’s eyebrows because it’s on the record that he was behind Malcolm X’s assassination. Malcolm’s’ own daughter tried to kill him and was arrested.
Malcolm took the guy, trained him, and then decided that well…the Muslim religion was pretty bad stuff. Farrakhan saw an opportunity to make himself KING of the American Muslims and took it. But, that’s all history…that was before he was taken up in a UFO and enlightened about the how the Nation of Islam, hates Jews-whites-gays, and that filthy swine, Rihanna.
Snoop Dog on the other hand is great.
Our ‘President’ Obama has kept quiet on his Muslim brother..while calling the Tea Party all racists—but remember this: In 1952, President Truman started the National Day of Prayer. In 1988, President Reagan made it the first Thursday in May, In June 2007, Obama canceled the National Day of Prayer because he didn’t want to offend anybody— BUT, on September 25, 2009, the President held a National Muslim Day of Prayer next to the White House and 50,000 Muslims attended.
I know– my poor baby feet. The sand is getting real hot.
Louis now says, “The Jews want to invade Libya and start a war.”
Gee Louis…The war in Libya has already started from all reports, and the Jews weren’t exactly in the region. Maybe you should switch to Scientology and change your name to Louis Hubbard. That UFO might pick you up again…and hopefully take you somewhere far…far…away, to a more civilized planet, where you can make a movie called “Battlefield Earth, The Final Solution” starring Snoop Dog, and Moo-Moo Gaddafi. (Yes, take them with you.)
And just to show you how civilized this nobody is: on the next National Day of Prayer, I will pray for a UFO to do just exactly that. And then, we can all start concentrating on public enemy number-one.

Anti-Abortionist Shot and Killed

This story doesn’t say it, because it hasn’t been widely reported yet, but this shooting took place in a town about 30 miles from where I am and where friends live. I was talking to one of them who lives in town there and the man who was killed is a locally well-known opponent of abortion.

The man who was shot in Owosso, Michigan (the high school nearby is currently on lockdown because the shooter is still at large) is known as “the abortion sign guy” (I don’t know his name, but I’m sure it’ll be reported soon. He’s had numerous complaints against him because he stands on street corners holding up signs with pictures of aborted babies.

The crazy flows both ways. I only wonder if the national media will report this with as much vigor as they do when the murder victim is pro-abortion and the killer is an anti-abortion wack-job — though it’s important to note that the killer’s motive isn’t yet known.

Update: Reports here are now that two people are dead, but this is unconfirmed.

Update II: The gunman has been arrested. More from the Owosso Argus Press:

Witnesses identified the victim at OHS as long-time abortion protester Jim Pouillon of Owosso. Pouillon was killed.

The second man also is believed to be dead. Police had not confirmed that man’s identity.

Here’s the story updated, with the second victim’s identity.

Digital Conversion Confusion: Dogs, Cats and Liberals Living Together, Mass Hysteria!

The government (you, me and future generations) spent somewhere in the neighborhood of $2 billion dollars on the “digital conversion” — much of it going towards a couple years worth of highly publicized (as mandated by the FCC) warnings of what to expect and how to prepare.

It was not difficult to understand, but, as was expected, there were problems from the “couldn’t find their own ass with both hands and a map” crowd:

Nearly 700,000 calls were received by a federal hot line this week from people confused about the nationwide switch from analog to digital TV broadcasts that occurred Friday.
The largest volume of calls came from the Chicago area, followed by Dallas-Ft. Worth, New York, Philadelphia and Baltimore.

Four of those five areas are on the “most liberal cities in America” list — as for Dallas, that area claims to be the “most liberal city in Texas” (Obama won Dallas County 57.5 to 41.9).

That the FCC got the most calls on the “unprepared, inattentive, confused ignorant moron hotline” from areas that were all carried by Barack Obama in the November election is a sheer coincidence. Really, it is. Probably… maybe…