Here’s how I think it all went down: The spider jumped up on the table and criticized President Obama’s response to Hurricane Sandy, causing Governor Christie to take offense and smash the partisan arachnid for blasphemy:
I honor Earth Day pretty much how I celebrate Earth Hour: By keeping my own little corner of the world as clean as I can while mocking those who are flying high above our homes in their private jets — possibly on the way to one of their 20,000 square foot vacation homes (I’m looking at you, “Mr. Climate”) — while looking down and lamenting how our cars, incandescent light bulbs and beef-rich diets for ruining the planet.
But I have to admit there’s an upside to the environmental moonbattery, for it gives us great moments like this:
And here’s our annual obligatory Earth Day video (language warning):
Before the identities of the Boston Marathon bombers were know, NPR’s Counterterrorism Correspondent Dina Temple Raston did a little speculating:
Did you know that Hitler’s birthday is “big” for the right? I for one stopped celebrating it the day the candles on the cake accidentally set ablaze the mustache on the likeness of der Führer and burned my barn down
You just knew this was coming. Somebody has to pay for the Creator’s biological negligence and unfairness:
The state of California is reportedly considering legislation that would force group insurance policies to provide infertility treatment for gay and lesbian couples.
Two men who have sex with each other for a year and do not produce a baby would be considered “infertile” under the proposed legislation. So would two women having sex. Since biology does not allow those without a uterus to conceive or those without a penis to impregnate, every year-long gay couple in California would potentially be covered by this new provision of California law.
And two men who have sex with each other for a year and do produce a baby will discover one of them has been lying about being male.
The story sounds ridiculous enough to be true. Here’s how it all came about:
(Warning: A few mild notably not-so-nice choice words.)
Oh…hell no. The Marxist agenda is being rushed….as if they don’t have much time left. What did we just hear here from MSNBC’s Melissa Harris-Perry, a woman who is a smart as she can be….unfortunately:Kids don’t belong to the parents?
You did not build that kid. You did NOT get up in the middle of the night and warm that baby bottle. You did not clean the puke off the wall when they threw up at your brother’s house. In fact, you have done such a lousy job being a parent, your kids can’t even keep up in recycling class. If only you had taken Hillary Clinton’s great advice from her book, It Takes a Village. we would already have all the children in day-care centers right after birth, and mamma could go back to her career-building socialist job. (Hillary so admired the French state run baby incubators in her progressive propaganda “get the children young” book.) If we don’t get those babies into state day care centers right away, and hire more teachers, Bill Gates won’t be able to start monitoring them for the great state social engineering little obedient Marxists agenda. You people need to give up your children. All you need to do is have sex — let us do the rest. We need to wire them to the internet, hook their brains up with implants, so that we can just download all the Marxist information with the click of a mouse. Al Gore is getting impatient.
How well is that going to go? The teachers are all excited about getting new jobs as babysitters, and they’ve done a great job educating our kids up to this point haven’t they?
I hate to gossip here, (apologies to Mr. Powers) but damn it…this calls for an example. I personally know a ‘teacher’. She was teaching sixth grade English, and one day I found out during a conversation at lunch that she didn’t had never heard of The Raven.
“Who?” she said.
“You mean you have a degree in English literature and you have never heard of Edgar Allen Poe?”
“No” she said.
Okay, that was 12 years ago, and I just talked to her again. I hadn’t touched base with her all that time.
She was so excited because she had just gotten her Masters’ degree in Computer Science, and she was the head librarian, no longer teaching. She was so proud that her school was one of the first to go to all I-Pads. As we continue to talk, I asked her to send me pictures of her daughter (from a sperm clinic) and she paused…
“Uh…I don’t have any pictures…just videos.” she said.
“So send me some videos.” I said.
“I’ve never done that.”
“Jesus woman — you have a Masters’ degree in Computer Science, and you don’t know how to send a video over the internet?”
This isn’t the blind leading the blind. It’s worse. It’s the deranged leading the innocents to one day all be connected to an internet via an implant in their brain, connected to their iPad, and if ever hit by a solar flare, humanity would instantly crash.
Who will pay Medicare then?
If you let the state get hold of your kids before they reach the age of five, you might as well concentrate on getting all your future love from the family pet, because if the state raises your kids, your dogs will be smarter.
That ‘village’ is warped: Proof is everywhere. Please. Somebody check Harris-Perry’s chip.
Even their own countries don’t want them back, so sure, let’s instead turn them loose in the U.S.:
In an article posted on MSNBC.com, Hayes criticized Guantanamo Bay’s continued existence in a piece entitled, “Time for radical action on Guantanamo.” Hayes, who railed against Obama’s failure to keep his promise to close the prison in Cuba, argues that:
The dozens of men who have been cleared by the United States government for release should be released immediately, should be paid restitution, and offered legal residence in the United States.
I would add one caveat to that proposal: Former Gitmo detainees can live in the U.S., but they have to stay at Chris Hayes’ house (that way he can monitor them closely to make sure Dick Cheney doesn’t waterboard them again).
Just because they’ve been “cleared” doesn’t mean we should invite them to our next party. O.J. Simpson was “cleared” in 1995 but that doesn’t mean I’d want him to move in next door, let alone give him money for a new knife.
Hayes is uncomfortable referring to fallen U.S. military members as heroes but has no problem sainting Gitmo detainees. Par for the far-lefty course.
Keith Olbermann has settled his $50 million lawsuit with Current TV, bringing an end to the almost year-long legal dispute over the outspoken host’s dismissal from the liberal news network.
The terms of the settlement, which was reported earlier this week, were not released. But two sources familiar with the negotiations now tell POLITICO that during the mediation stage, Olbermann’s legal representatives cited his inability to get a job at another network — a move one source close to the negotiations interpreted as an effort to gain sympathy for Olbermann.
“One of the cards his people played was hardship,” the source, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, told POLITICO. “He spent last fall talking to all the major networks, and he couldn’t get a job. The idea was, this could be the last money he ever earned.”
POLITICO has confirmed that Olbermann approached numerous cable and broadcast news channels, including ABC News, in pursuit of a job while still on contract with Current TV. Olbermann has also approached non-news networks, including ESPN and AMC, the channel that broadcasts “Mad Men” and “Breaking Bad,” sources told POLITICO.
One source who spoke with POLITICO said the settlement between Olbermann and Current TV was “significantly less” than $50 million, though that could not be confirmed with other sources.
In a fight between Al Gore and Keith Olbermann it’s hard to know who to root for, but that aside, it appears Gore emerged victorious on this one.
Has Olbermann tried to get a job introducing movies on TCM yet? That’d be hilarious:
“Our next film this evening is a musical portrait of the multi-talented George M. Cohan, who, unlike Dick ‘Torquemada’ Cheney and Bush-the-War-Criminal, never tortured innocent people. From Cohan’s early days as a child-star in his family’s vaudeville show up to the time of his comeback at which he received a medal from a president — a president who by the way never slaughtered innocent women and children overseas in the name of oil — for his special contributions to the United States. Cohan produced, directed, wrote and starred in this production much the way Bush/Cheney singlehandedly orchestrated the most vile, hateful, illegal and immoral wars this nation, nay the world, has ever seen. We hope you enjoy this 1942 classic, Yankee Doodle Dandy.”
I have to admit that the “climate change” sham is brilliantly devised. If it’s colder than normal, that’s evidence of man-caused climate change. If it’s warmer than usual, that’s evidence of man-caused climate change. And now politicians who are killing the economy and putting people out of work (where they all too often stay) can claim that they’re saving the planet:
Want to reduce the effects of global warming? Stop working so hard. Working fewer hours might help slow global warming, according to a new study released Monday by the Center for Economic Policy and Research.
A worldwide switch to a “more European” work schedule, which includes working fewer hours and more vacation time, could prevent as much as half of the expected global temperature rise by 2100, according to the analysis, which used a 2012 study that found shorter work hours could be associated with lower carbon emissions.
The Center for Economic Policy and Research is a liberal think tank based in Washington.
In the old days if you made an effort and put in a lot of hours to better yourself and improve your station in life, you were called a hard worker. Now you’re an eco-terrorist.
There are 8.5 million more Americans not in the labor force than there were when Obama took office. In other words, the US president is doing his part to combat global warming.
Why you don’t need to carry a gun to effectively protect yourself…
First up, Colorado Dem State Rep. Joe Salazar has a twofold message for women on campus: 1) You shouldn’t carry a gun because what do you think they invented rape whistles and call boxes for? And 2) You shouldn’t carry a gun because you might shoot somebody just because you incorrectly believed that person was planning to do you harm (you know how impulsive women can be), even though the man was in fact only observing you… maybe because he was doing research for his job as a Colorado state legislator or something like that:
From the on-deck circle, Colorado State Senator Jesse Ulibarry adds another effective way to defend yourself from a crazed gunman without carrying a gun yourself: Ball point pens:
This is exactly why the security guards who protect the Colorado State Legislature are armed with nothing except scissors, BICs and rape whistles. Or maybe not.