They’ll never figure it out, thankfully

Many Democrats are analyzing the past couple of elections like the apes in perplexed curiosity while surrounding the obelisk at the beginning of “2001: A Space Odyssey.” It’s not that difficult to figure out.

Kerry and his people come out and say what has become the stock answer to any Democrat loss: “We failed to connect with the voters.”

Beg to differ… they connect way too much, to the point that many Americans are viewing them as a drunken uncle who just pinched their ass at the family Christmas party.

Let their ship of political dreams founder, as they continue to not be able to tell the difference between “connecting” and “groping”.

During the 2004 campaign, John Edwards said that there are “two Americas.” Kerry and Edwards said they wanted to “build one America,” but it’s tough to construct something, not to mention “connect” with people, when the only tools you know how to use are pry bars, wrecking balls, and dated blueprints.

Monday's shameless plug of the week

Today’s column on WorldNetDaily is addressing the question, “Is America ‘Stingy’?” The United Nations and The New York Times seem to think so. Decide for yourself.

Okay, here are today’s definitions of the week. Optimist, pessimist, and realist.

The optimist sees the glass as half full, the pessimist sees the glass as half empty, and the realist just sees two dorks staring at a glass.

I don’t really know what that means, but it sounded cool when I thought of it.

Monday’s shameless plug of the week

Today’s column on WorldNetDaily is addressing the question, “Is America ‘Stingy’?” The United Nations and The New York Times seem to think so. Decide for yourself.

Okay, here are today’s definitions of the week. Optimist, pessimist, and realist.

The optimist sees the glass as half full, the pessimist sees the glass as half empty, and the realist just sees two dorks staring at a glass.

I don’t really know what that means, but it sounded cool when I thought of it.

Why Daschle didn't run for Prez

Doug Ireland at LA Weekly is says that Tom Daschle didn’t run for president because of the scrutiny he would have had to endure because of his close ties to his airline lobbyist wife. A politician finally gets caught in bed with his own wife, and he gets punished? Washington works in mysterious ways.

Hmm, if Tom would have made a run, I wonder how his hair would have stacked up against the other Democrat candidates coifs?

Why Daschle didn’t run for Prez

Doug Ireland at LA Weekly is says that Tom Daschle didn’t run for president because of the scrutiny he would have had to endure because of his close ties to his airline lobbyist wife. A politician finally gets caught in bed with his own wife, and he gets punished? Washington works in mysterious ways.

Hmm, if Tom would have made a run, I wonder how his hair would have stacked up against the other Democrat candidates coifs?

Happy New Year, and many happy bottle returns

I wish all of you a terrific and prosperous 2005, with the possible exception of Carrot-Top and Pauly Shore.

For those of you who were, as they say in today’s victim oriented society, “overserved” last night, next year you may want to consider partying in this New Orleans hotel. They have a “recovery concierge” named Sara, who will attend to all your hangover needs. I love the American entrepreneurial spirit when it comes to spirits.

Anna Nicole Smith is now lighter in more ways than one

From the “and you thought you were having a bad day” department: Anna Nicole Smith has lost 88.5 million… and not pounds this time.

A Federal Appeals Court threw out a judge’s ruling that gave Smith $88.5 million of her former husband’s estate. Smith married J. Howard Marshall when she was 26 and she was 89. It was one of those “May / I don’t remember” romances, and the first to be consummated with the aid of “The Clapper.”

Smith won’t have to worry about where the next meal’s coming from, however. Fortunately for Anna, this day in age, she’s in a tailor-made Zeitgeist. Never in history has there been a time when there is such a fortune to be made on a commodity called “Ditz.”

The Old Grey Lady is getting more and more senile

The New York Times is at it again. This time, in an editorial, they claim that America is “stingy” with its foreign aid. The editorial is here, if you want to bear witness to idiocy, not to mention take the time to register.

“Stingy”? The United States spent $15.8 billion for “official developmental assistance” to developing countries in 2003, and that’s just one example. We’ll probably end up throwing over a billion into the pot for tsunami aid.

Often, the question isn’t the amount, but who’s getting it. Look at the “above the fray” United Nations, who either was complicit in, or got duped by, Saddam Hussein and the bogus “oil for food” scam. You can try to argue “as a percentage, the US is lagging in foreign aid” all you want, but no matter how much is given, when the money is being delivered by Bugsy Siegel, chances are little of it will reach its intended target.

Finances aside, I say it again… America? Stingy. Superficial dopes like the editorial board of the NY Times look only at dollars, and they can’t even do that right.

The United States is so stingy that we only paid a price of about 300,000 dead Americans when we liberated Europe. We’re so stingy that millions of Iraqis are now free at the cost of several thousand United States casualties. There are literally countless other examples. How stingy of us.

Oh, by the way, the Catch-22 is always that the Times will, if we really crank up our foreign disaster relief, point out all the suffering at home that isn’t being addressed.

Bin Laden's latest message– desperation, or disruption?

What’s causing Osama bin Laden to suddenly begin releasing so many messages that, if this continues, soon he’ll be giving out recipes and pointers for getting stains out of carpets?

Can he be hearing footsteps, or is it simply desperation to stop democratic elections in Iraq, since it could lead to the beginning of the end for him? Or, maybe his messages are acting as a sort of psychotic Bat-Signal in the sky to begin an operation to disrupt the elections.

One thing’s for sure, election day is going to be a confusing event in Iraq. Threats of shootings and bombings, coupled with the attempt to elect a 275 member National Assembly. And you thought there were a lot of names on your ballot! It’s a good thing this isn’t happening in south Florida. We’ll soon know if there’s an Iraqi equivalent to Broward County if Allawi barely edges out Pat Buchanan.

Bin Laden’s latest message– desperation, or disruption?

What’s causing Osama bin Laden to suddenly begin releasing so many messages that, if this continues, soon he’ll be giving out recipes and pointers for getting stains out of carpets?

Can he be hearing footsteps, or is it simply desperation to stop democratic elections in Iraq, since it could lead to the beginning of the end for him? Or, maybe his messages are acting as a sort of psychotic Bat-Signal in the sky to begin an operation to disrupt the elections.

One thing’s for sure, election day is going to be a confusing event in Iraq. Threats of shootings and bombings, coupled with the attempt to elect a 275 member National Assembly. And you thought there were a lot of names on your ballot! It’s a good thing this isn’t happening in south Florida. We’ll soon know if there’s an Iraqi equivalent to Broward County if Allawi barely edges out Pat Buchanan.