There is so much for us to be thankful for, but for the conservatives who enjoy a good laugh, this has been a truly bountiful year.
We give thanks for the hypocritical left. The “share the wealth” caring nurturers who live in gated communities, whine about fossil-fuel pollution, think that public schools are just dandy, and then drive their kids to Montessori in an SUV. Thanks as well go to staunch environmentalists who will drive a kumquat-powered hybrid car halfway across the country to picket a company that manufactures aerosol hairspray, but think nothing of burning 150,000 gallons of jet fuel to fly to emergency global summit meetings on ozone depletion.
We give thanks for those feminists who champion the cause of women’s rights, while their grandkids are in the backyard playing balloon toss with one of their old breast implants.
We give thanks for those who expose illogic, namely the illogical. The unwise who teach our children that the killing of the unborn is a “choice,” and then expect the kids who are born to grow up with enough of a conscience left to care about saving turtle eggs, whales and rain forests. Mark my words: If that were a whale’s stereo keeping the radical pro-choice advocate awake at night, a turtle egg in front of them in the “10 items or less” line with 37 things, and a rain forest repossessing their car, they wouldn’t give a flying Birkenstock about animals or the environment, either.
We give thanks for Michael Moore, fighter against all forms of corporate greed, except book-publishing companies, movie theaters and all-you-can-eat buffets. Moore’s special in that he has the audacity to urge people to give money to his corporation to see or read his latest attempts at making us hate corporations. To any good hypocritical liberal, the “corporate greed” vehicle must always turn around just before it gets to their corporation. Good left-wingers always make sure their philosophical house is built at the end of a cul-de-sac.
We give thanks for attorneys everywhere for their contribution to the field of science, because they have single-handedly revised Newton’s Third Law to read, “for every action, there must be an equal but opposite lawsuit.”
We give thanks for FOX News. There is one downside, however. If their “information combined with sex appeal” approach keeps raking in the ratings, don’t be surprised if you soon see Peter Jennings in lip-gloss and a push-up bra.
Lastly, and most seriously, we give thanks for those brave souls in the military. Those yappy ingrates you hear in constant criticism are the likes of Susan Sarandon and Barbra Streisand. We give thanks for your fighting for their right to yammer away in dissent, and also for putting up with the frustration of knowing that those same ingrates will hide behind you when trouble starts.
Happy Thanksgiving everybody!