Rest easy, ladies– the thong thief is in jail

Okay, so it’s a slow news day as far as any story that has the slightest chance of being humorous, so I give you the “snatcher of skivvies”, “pilferer of panties”, and “thiever of thongs”, Anthony Scholfield (complete with mug shot).

Scholfield has been arrested after a woman noticed that her underwear drawer had some inventory missing, recalling that Scholfield had delivered food to her in the past, and also happening to know that he’d been arrested in 2003 with 854 stolen thongs stashed about his house.

Scholfield’s argument of “eminent domain” over the underwear drawer, since the pizza place pays more taxes than the woman’s panties, is only likely to go over if it reaches the US Supreme Court.

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: