One of the minion of things that the Kerry campaign did wrong in 2004 was accepting the endorsement of Ted Kennedy in the first place, but Kerry will never, ever understand the scope of Kennedy’s liability to any ticket– mostly because he’s just like Ted politically.
Back in ’03 and ’04, Ted’s introductions of John Kerry at campaign rallies may have reminded you of a composite of every bottle dwelling bar babbler you’ve ever been stuck sitting next to at one o’clock in the morning. When that happens, you keep an eye on your wife, a hand on your wallet, and take what they say with a grain of margarita salt– or worse for the candidate– with humorous pity.
Such was, and is, Kennedy’s plea to get us to vote for John Kerry Ã¢â‚¬â€œ a series of verbal endorsements that could gain more steam if Ted didn’t always sound like Boris Yeltsin trying to recite the alphabet backward. If Ted’s on the wagon, it must have carried him straight to the liquor cabinet, because when he gets riled up, his speeches make you wish Foster Brooks were still around to interpret.
Trying to figure out what Kennedy is saying at a campaign rally often makes me appreciative of the skills of Timmy from “Lassie.” Where’s Jon Provost when you need him?
“Ahnd ahftah muthna hahve olll crompushnin Johhhnn…”
“What is it, boy? Kerry needs our vote?”
“Nithmish nahd caheforea jah Kreee!”
“Bush must not be re-elected or there will be global Armageddon? Good boy!”
In addition to the occasionally comical slurry harangues, Ted can be absolutely shameless. When Kennedy endorsed Kerry, he wasn’t even shy about touting the fact that Kerry once saved somebody from drowning. From drowning!
Statements like this are the most telling symptom of Kennedy’s ivory tower induced moral myopia. Ted Kennedy, without batting an eye, can proudly laud a colleague for saving someone from drowning? This takes some serious nerve Ã¢â‚¬â€œ right up there with Lizzy Borden praising the skillful hatchet work of Paul Bunyan.
Joe Kennedy had a daughter lobotomized, and, judging from the incongruous comments uttered by his son, he apparently forced Ted to undergo several compunction bypass procedures.
Ted’s even got a dog that he named “Splash.” I often wonder if he ever lets Splash get together with Joe Hazelwood’s dog Ã¢â‚¬â€œ “Slick” Ã¢â‚¬â€œ for a nice game of Frisbee at “Irony Park.”
Kerry has the endorsement of Ted Kennedy once again. Any way you cut it, this can only be good news for the Hillary for President campaign.
Ted hopes to help Kerry fill in the cracks that were exposed in ’04
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