The Saddam Tapes: Gentlemen, Start Your Spin Machines!

A bit of a row has developed among the organization releasing the secret recordings of Saddam Hussein (other than the battle between those who want to put the tapes out in their pure analog form, and those who want to digitalize the audio and create an extended dance mix) :

CAIRO, Egypt – Two former CIA directors have resigned from the board of the organization planning tomorrow to make public secret recordings of Saddam Hussein and his advisers.

In the last week both John Deutch and James Woolsey abruptly left their positions at Intelligence Summit, according to its president, John Loftus, who said their departure is part of a campaign by the directorate of national intelligence to punish him for releasing the recordings.

The tapes are scheduled to be released tomorrow. Reports from those who have heard the tapes say they contain references to biological attacks, germ warfare, and car bombings, but just in a general uninvolved sense– kind of like how we all passively work those topics into our everyday conversations.

We shouldn’t be surprised to see a car bomb with nuclear [material] explode [in] Washington, either germ or chemical,” Saddam tells aides. “So this is coming,” Saddam says on the tapes, “but not from Iraq,” he adds, seeming to indicate that Iraq would not be the source of any such attack.

An unidentified Saddam aide replies that biological weapons are easy to construct: “… any biologist can make it in water tank and kill 100,000 person … so you can’t accuse a country, one person can do it. One American person can do it in a house, next to the White House.”

On the surface, it would appear to be a no-brainer that when terrorism is spoken of against the U.S., “but not from Iraq”, followed by a discussion of hiring individuals elsewhere so “you can’t accuse a country”, it’s a great possibility they’re talking about sponsoring such activities… ya think?

However, those who are convinced that Iraq had no WMD’s, not to mention were no threat to the United States, will say these were just a bunch of kids sitting around playing with plastic army men and engaging in delusions of grand kabooms– that there was no real threat from Iraq.

Some days it’s hard to remember which country “Baghdad Bob” works for, isn’t it?

What else will be on the tapes? Some of this may or may not end up on the cutting room floor:

“Stop it, Kofi, that tickles”.

“Somebody should nuke New York City. Not us, of course… but somebody…”

“No, that’s okay boss… it’s just that I’ve never played ‘paper-rock-scissors’ with real paper, rocks, and scissors before…”

“Rose floats on the door all by herself as Jack freezes and drowns? Stone her!”

“The coalition is getting too close. Change the label on the file cabinet drawer from ‘Crooked dealings with France and Germany’ to ‘Itemized UNICEF donations’.”

“Office picnic today! Everybody make sure we’ve got everything– potato salad? Check. Root beer? Check. Doritos? Check. Body bags? Check.”

“Here are the National Guard documents we told you about, Mr. Rather.”

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: