Belated Happy Birthday to Ted Kennedy, Esteemed Senator and Admiral of the Oldsmobile Navy

Late last week, Ted Kennedy celebrated his 75th birthday. On Saturday, there was a birthday bash, notably headlined by the Gin Blossoms, as all of Ted’s parties are even when there’s no band present.

We’ve had a lot of fun at the Senator’s expense over the years, but I’d like to take this opportunity to wish Kennedy a happy birthday and many happy bottle returns. What did Teddy get for a gift, you’re wondering? The Reliable Source columnists have some details:

Guests invited to Ted Kennedy’s super-exclusive 75th birthday bash Saturday were wowed by the present at the curb of his Kalorama home: A new black Aston Martin Vanquish, with Massachusetts plates, wrapped in a big red bow.

The dream machine ($255,000 retail) is the stuff of legend — specifically as Pierce Brosnan’s co-star in the James Bond flick “Die Another Day.” But when we called to find out who sprang for such a memento, Kennedy’s spokeswoman quickly denied that the car was a gift.

The senator’s wife, Vicki, she said, had rented the car for the weekend, not purchased it, and was due to return it yesterday. Rented? But why the bow? Because it was his birthday, she explained. And why Massachusetts plates? Because the company that owns the car is from the senator’s home state. And if he drove it “all weekend,” why was it parked in the exact same spot with snow on the windshield yesterday?

“I got him a sports car for his birthday, but unfortunately today it turns into a pumpkin!” Vicki Kennedy said in an e-mail. “It was great fun while it lasted.”

Of course, nobody believes the car was rented. What was the reason it was returned then? It could be that Vicki Kennedy realized that getting Teddy a car for his birthday is a little like giving Lizzy Borden a hatchet for Christmas, but I doubt that’s the real reason.

The truth, however, is probably that nobody bothered to remember, until it was almost too late, that the Aston Martin is manufactured in Europe and it might not look good to be giving one to “Mr. Pro-American Labor.”

Then again, the car might have been returned because it was discovered that Astons don’t float. Or maybe the gift card said, “With appreciation and admiration — Jack Abramoff.” The possible reasons are endless.

Ted Kennedy birthday trivia: On a cool February day in 1932, little Teddy Kennedy was born. Later that night, the baby’s father, Joe, leaned over the bassinet and kissed his new son. Because of that kiss, Ted’s cheeks still, to this day, display visible remnants of Gloria Swanson’s lipstick.

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: