Earth, Mars, Neptune Warming — Sheryl Crow Recommends 1/2 Square of Toilet Paper To Save Uranus

Did you know there’s industrialized life on Mars and Neptune? There has to be. Recent reports show that global warming is on the rise dramatically on Neptune, and ice caps are melting on Mars.

There must be relatively intelligent but ecologically stupid life on these planets flying jets, driving SUV’s and using aerosol hairspray. As Al Gore teaches us, there is no other way for global warming to occur.

In the meantime, expect environmental activists to mobilize to save the other planets that are being ruined. Soon we might see Sheryl Crow’s “Concert for Uranus,” where she will ask us to go from using the one square of toilet paper per her earlier request, to 1/2 square, in order to keep this looming tragedy on Neptune from striking neighboring planets.

How bad is it? Here’s the latest photograph of the surface of Neptune, as taken from the New Horizons spacecraft:


Al Gore, for the love of God, please go save Neptune!

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: