At Last, It Pays To Get Screwed By Congress

Larry Flynt, the publisher of Hustler Magazine and the man who isn’t going to hell, but only because Satan refuses to install a handicapped access ramp, took out an ad in yesterday’s Washington Post. In the ad, Flynt offered $1 million to anybody who can document a sexual relationship with a member of Congress or other government official:

“Can you provide documented evidence of illicit sexual or intimate relations with a Congressperson, Senator or other prominent officeholder? Larry Flynt and HUSTLER Magazine will pay you up to $1 million if we choose to publish your verified story and use your material. CALL OUR HOTLINE 1-800-251-2714 OR E-MAIL US AT HUSTLER@LFP.COM”

I remember the good old days when nobody had to advertise to get these details. Is Congress getting morals, or just better at hiding affairs? As for me, I’ve never cared about reading about the sexual exploits of what is, collectively, the ugliest group of people this side of Gollum’s family reunion.

There are two technicalities here that could screw over Flynt. First, he doesn’t say the person having sex with a Congressperson can’t be a spouse — and if anybody’s good at finding loopholes, it’s a member of Congress. Second, I wonder if we could all stake a claim on this money, class-action style, as we’ve been getting screwed by Congress for years.

Pay up, Larry!

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: