Something to Offend Everybody

Beaner’s Coffee, the third-largest retail coffee chain in the Midwest, announced that they’ll change the name of all 79 of their current stores to “Biggby Coffee.”

Here’s why the change was made:

As the company has grown from a single store to a regional chain, the need for a new name became evident amidst growing concerns over the use of the word “beaner” as a disparaging term against Hispanic Americans.

That’s right, Beaner’s was nothing but a big steaming cupful of racism.

I hope the hispanic activists don’t forget about Taco Bell. “Run for the border”? Come on!

How come nobody seems to care that every other bar has an Irish name on the sign? And what about Cracker Barrel? That’s not too nice to us of white European ancestry.

While we’re at it, IHOP does nothing but mock one-legged people. Putting a White Castle in every urban area in America isn’t very sensitive, and neither is Big Boy to the vertically challenged. Fortunately the latter is evened out by Little Caesars.

Is Church’s Chicken sensitive to Atheists? There’s a Chinese carry-out place in Allen Park, Michigan called Hos Kitchen. Prostitutes, take to the streets (oh wait, you’re already there — great) and demand an end to this use of a nasty euphemism for your time-honored profession!

Finally, I personally think that Hooters is owlist, which is why I plan to picket there at least two hours a day, hot cup of Beane…um, I mean Biggby’s… in hand, until a change is made.

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: