Lucidity Impossible: Tom Cruise Digging Alien Bunker at the Funny Farm?

Normally I laugh off these kinds of stories as Hollywood rumor mill tabloid tripe, but hey, it’s Tom Cruise, so I sorta believe it:

Hollywood star Tom Cruise is planning to build a bunker at his Colorado home to protect his family in the event of an intergalactic alien attack, according to new reports.

The Mission Impossible actor, who is a dedicated follower of Scientology, is reportedly fearful that deposed galactic ruler ‘Xenu’ is plotting an evil revenge attack on Earth.

The story is made even more believable when you consider that Xenu plays a major role in the Scientology that Cruise embraces.

Here’s an introduction to Xenu from Wikipedia:

Xenu (also Xemu), pronounced [‘], according to Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, was the dictator of the “Galactic Confederacy” who, 75 million years ago, brought billions of his people to Earth in DC-8-like spacecraft, stacked them around volcanoes and killed them using hydrogen bombs. Scientology holds that their essences remained, and that they form around people in modern times, causing them spiritual harm.

These events are known to Scientologists as “Incident II”, and the traumatic memories associated with them as The Wall of Fire. The story of Xenu is part of Scientologist beliefs in extraterrestrial civilizations and alien interventions in Earthly events, collectively described as space opera by Hubbard.

After arriving on Earth, Xenu will trade in his DC-8 and talk Travolta into letting him use his 707.

I personally believe that psychiatric drugs are wildly over-prescribed, but in cases like this it’s sad that somebody who seems in such desperate need of them remains vehemently opposed to their use.


Above we see Cruise’s Colorado home where the alleged bunker is being built, along with the tennis court where Tom will take on Xenu in a best-of-five set match to determine who gains ultimate control of the universe.

Below, Tom Cruise demonstrates for Oprah how Xenu will swoop down and strike fear into the hearts of non-believing rich celebrities who haven’t yet given their lives and checkbooks to Scientology:


Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: