Call Signs That Won't Offend Our Enemies

And by “enemies,” I’m of course referring to some U.S. journalists:

U.S. Army combat units headed for Iraq have been advised to be sensitive to Iraqis, in order to avoid making anymore enemies than they already have over there. So one unit headed there, the 1/35 Armor (1st battalion of the 35th armored regiment) will change its call sign from “Conqueror” to “Iron Knight.” It was felt that the word “Conqueror” might be misinterpreted by Iraqis.

Actually, it’s not the Iraqis that officers worry about in situations like this, it’s U.S. journalists who, on a slow news day, might round up a few English speaking Iraqis and get them to complain about the American tank battalion that refers to themselves as “Conqueror.” Oh, the horror. Especially when this stuff reaches Congress, and the incident is brought up when the army asks for money.

Pursuant to this politically correct trend, the call signs of the pilots in the movie “Top Gun” will have to be altered. The next time you see the film, “Viper” will be known as “Tinky Winky,” “Maverick” is being changed to “Nerfball,” “Iceman” will be “Iceperson,” “Cougar” becomes “Purring Kitty” and “Hollywood” will remain “Hollywood” just so any enemies of America watching the movie will feel as if they’re among friends.

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: