Global Patriotism on the Rise

Above is what I predict the New York Times positive headline spin would be for the following:

Nearly one out of every five Democrats thinks the world will be better off if America loses the war in Iraq, according to the FOX News Opinion Dynamics Poll released Thursday…

…Overall, 11 percent of Americans think the world would be “better off” if the U.S. lost the war, and 73 percent disagree.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Only one in five Democrats?” Members of congress and the mainstream media must have been excluded from the poll.

Dead American Soldiers for Fun & Profit

A guy in Flagstaff, Arizona named Dan Frazier makes and sells t-shirts containing anti-Bush slogans superimposed over the names of almost all the soldiers who have died fighting for his right to be free to be a shameless bunghole.

There was an Arizona state law that made it a misdemeanor to sell items that use names of slain troops without permission, but yesterday a federal judge ruled that T-shirts displaying the names of slain American service members are political speech protected by the First Amendment, as is a shirt displaying the name of anybody for that matter.

Some people were bothered by the ruling, but not me. This is great news, because now we can start manufacturing and selling “Dan Frazier is a totally disgusting ass-clown” shirts. Pick one up in the lobby on your way out of the creepatorium.

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Capitalism at its lowest, brazenness at its highest

Dead American Soldiers for Fun & Profit

A guy in Flagstaff, Arizona named Dan Frazier makes and sells t-shirts containing anti-Bush slogans superimposed over the names of almost all the soldiers who have died fighting for his right to be free to be a shameless bunghole.

There was an Arizona state law that made it a misdemeanor to sell items that use names of slain troops without permission, but yesterday a federal judge ruled that T-shirts displaying the names of slain American service members are political speech protected by the First Amendment, as is a shirt displaying the name of anybody for that matter.

Some people were bothered by the ruling, but not me. This is great news, because now we can start manufacturing and selling “Dan Frazier is a totally disgusting ass-clown” shirts. Pick one up in the lobby on your way out of the creepatorium.

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Capitalism at its lowest, brazenness at its highest

My Dog Doesn't Even Like These People

This should be more than enough to supply your recommended daily dose of ‘shroom induced nuttery:

Quotes from animal rights activists.

Some of my favorites:

“We feel that animals have the same rights as retarded children.”
-Alex Pacheco, Director, PETA, New York Times, January 14, 1989.

Speak for yourself.

———

“Andrew Cunanan, because he got Versace to stop doing fur.”
-PETA’s David Mathews reply when to Genre request for “Men We Love”

What would this world be like without pro-peace leftists?

———

“To those people who say, `My father is alive because of animal experimentation,’ I say `Yeah, well, good for you. This dog died so your father could live.’ Sorry, but I am just not behind that kind of trade off.”
-Bill Maher, PETA celebrity spokesman

I can only agree with him here, because all I can say is that if my dog died so Bill Maher could live, I’d be pissed!

———

“Six million Jews died in concentration camps, but six billion broiler chickens will die this year in slaughter houses.”
-Ingrid Newkirk, President, PETA, The Washington Post, November 13, 1983.

It’s hard to find someone who speaks for the chickens because so rarely do you run across a person with a similar intellect. Pamela Anderson also speaks out for the chickens — a little creature with a brain the size of a pebble, scrawny legs, high pitched squawk, and in-demand breast meat– and then of course there’s the chicken.

———

“The life of an ant and that of my child should be granted equal consideration.”
-Michael W. Fox, Vice President, The Human Society of the United States, The Inhumane Society, New York, 1990.

The lives of children were once granted equal consideration with the lives of ants — which is why six million Jews died in concentration camps, dumbass. At least they weren’t chickens.

Here’s the remainder of the lunacy.

My Dog Doesn’t Even Like These People

This should be more than enough to supply your recommended daily dose of ‘shroom induced nuttery:

Quotes from animal rights activists.

Some of my favorites:

“We feel that animals have the same rights as retarded children.”
-Alex Pacheco, Director, PETA, New York Times, January 14, 1989.

Speak for yourself.

———

“Andrew Cunanan, because he got Versace to stop doing fur.”
-PETA’s David Mathews reply when to Genre request for “Men We Love”

What would this world be like without pro-peace leftists?

———

“To those people who say, `My father is alive because of animal experimentation,’ I say `Yeah, well, good for you. This dog died so your father could live.’ Sorry, but I am just not behind that kind of trade off.”
-Bill Maher, PETA celebrity spokesman

I can only agree with him here, because all I can say is that if my dog died so Bill Maher could live, I’d be pissed!

———

“Six million Jews died in concentration camps, but six billion broiler chickens will die this year in slaughter houses.”
-Ingrid Newkirk, President, PETA, The Washington Post, November 13, 1983.

It’s hard to find someone who speaks for the chickens because so rarely do you run across a person with a similar intellect. Pamela Anderson also speaks out for the chickens — a little creature with a brain the size of a pebble, scrawny legs, high pitched squawk, and in-demand breast meat– and then of course there’s the chicken.

———

“The life of an ant and that of my child should be granted equal consideration.”
-Michael W. Fox, Vice President, The Human Society of the United States, The Inhumane Society, New York, 1990.

The lives of children were once granted equal consideration with the lives of ants — which is why six million Jews died in concentration camps, dumbass. At least they weren’t chickens.

Here’s the remainder of the lunacy.

Makin' Whoopi With Pelosi and Her Husband

Question: Whoopi Goldberg looks at you and says she wants to “do” you and your spouse.

Do you:

A) Throw up a little in your mouth

B) Run off screaming

C) Smile and give a little bit of a flattered giggle

If you’re Speaker of the House Nancy “code blinker” Pelosi, the answer is “C”. Granted, Pelosi always has a smile on her face, as cosmetic procedures by overcaffeinated plastic surgeons who don’t know their own strength have left her looking as if she always just stepped off the centrifuge at a NASA training facility. She acts flattered though. What politicians won’t do for a vote.

This has all the makings of a definite five-bagger (seven if Barbara Walters joins the fray — and she can if she wants as it’s stipulated in each performer’s contract):

Makin’ Whoopi With Pelosi and Her Husband

Question: Whoopi Goldberg looks at you and says she wants to “do” you and your spouse.

Do you:

A) Throw up a little in your mouth

B) Run off screaming

C) Smile and give a little bit of a flattered giggle

If you’re Speaker of the House Nancy “code blinker” Pelosi, the answer is “C”. Granted, Pelosi always has a smile on her face, as cosmetic procedures by overcaffeinated plastic surgeons who don’t know their own strength have left her looking as if she always just stepped off the centrifuge at a NASA training facility. She acts flattered though. What politicians won’t do for a vote.

This has all the makings of a definite five-bagger (seven if Barbara Walters joins the fray — and she can if she wants as it’s stipulated in each performer’s contract):

Bandwidth Jihad

A website called SwaraMuslim, which is run by people described as “America bashing terror supporters,” is using a photo on their page that originates on the server of an American who didn’t really appreciate the bandwidth theft, so he made the appropriate corrections that apparently as of yet haven’t been noticed.

The result is somewhat hilarious.

Before a bandwidth jihad:

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After a bandwidth jihad:

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This isn’t the first time this has happened either.

The lesson: we all can fight the war on terror in our own funny ways.

The Tax Wall: A Workable Plan to Save Michigan

Here in Michigan, a shutdown of the state government was averted literally at the last second. What was our salvation? The same thing that’s killing us: a tax increase.

Some states don’t deserve to be saved.

Businesses in Michigan are fleeing the area like screaming waitresses with torn blouses running out of a Kennedy family reunion, and our illustrious Governor Granholm can’t understand why. Our tax-happy governor, who can’t lure a business into the state (watching somebody try to fish with no bait, hook, line or pole is indeed pathetic) and can’t convince existing companies to stay here, has decided to continue on with taxes-as-usual, mistakenly believing this gets us “back on solid ground” when in fact all she’s done is to put the state on a brittle plank over the quicksand.

Of course, this is the same governor who once put a petition on the State of Michigan website designed to drive down oil profits, but never mentioned that the state pension fund has hundreds of millions of dollars invested in Exxon-Mobil. Essentially, Granholm was asking state employees to sign a petition to devalue their own retirement funds — and they did it! Nice. There’s a good reason this failure of a governor was re-elected.

The problem for Michigan, the “France of North America” as it’s been called, is that the Great Lake State is a stew of everything businesses hate. It’s heavily unionized, the government is run by buffoons, and the tax schemes are unpredictable and shift more often than a mountain biker on a 20-speed.

According to United Van Lines data, Michigan is the nation’s number one state when it comes to outbound traffic. Based on this fact, as I see it, there is only one solution that our governor and the majority of politicians will approve that will create real change: build a wall and charge an exorbitant fee to any persons or businesses exiting the state.

It wouldn’t be difficult. Michigan’s surrounded by water on three sides. We’d just need a big wall in the south on the Ohio and Indiana borders, an exit fee collector at the Mackinac Bridge, and some patrols on the lakes so companies don’t try to load all their stuff on pontoon boats and make a wake break for Wisconsin or Canada.

Just think of how much money could be raised if the state government would put an exit fee into place!

And here’s the best part: any company or individual that can’t afford the fee will be forced to stay, and then the governor can tax them as much as she wants because they’ll be trapped here! It’s flawless!

This plan makes as much sense as anything else that’s been tried here, and I guarantee it will work just as well as all the other schemes that have gotten us back on “solid ground.”

Cemeteries are on “solid ground” too, Governor Granholm.

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Above we see what the Michigan Tax Wall would look like… if it was in China

Chavez Stomps on Free Speech? Awesome! Totally Awesome!

Sean Penn appeared on the Letterman show Monday night and made false excuses as to why Hugo Chavez shut down a Venezuelan television station. At least he didn’t blame Bush.

Allahpundit over at HotAir describes the scene perfectly:

I’m too young to remember the far left apologizing for Soviet crimes but I did get a frisson of phantom nostalgia watching this useful idiot casually endorse the sort of authoritarianism that would have had him nailing himself to a cross if Bush had tried it.

Chavez’s shutting down of the television station didn’t exactly go the way Penn described it. You can tell Penn’s a disciplined professional actor, because he didn’t deviate from Chavez’s script one iota. You can almost see the cute little cartoon bluebirds fluttering around Penn’s head, can’t you? I get contact stupid just watching the guy.

At any rate, here’s the story behind what happened to Radio Caracas Televisión when freedom of speech was crushed under the jack-boot of Spicoli nirvana. Totally awesome!

Trivia Time:

Did you know…

Ever since Penn visited Iraq, the word “Sean” is now an Arabic term meaning “the dumbest guy in Iraq.”