Transcript of All Living Presidents’ Visit to the White House

Today is the first time all living presidents have gathered at the White House since 1981. Here’s a small portion of how it went:

[begin transcript]

W. Bush: Welcome back to the White House fellas.

Bush 41: Thanks, son. I know you’re busy in these last few days so thanks for having us.

Clinton: I’m the one who arranged all this!

Bush 41: My son arranged this!

Carter: Have a seat guys… we can work this out. Let’s just say that Bill organized half, and W. organized half…

Bush 41: Because they didn’t each organize half!

W. Bush: Yeah, stop being so negotiatory, Jimmy. Save it for Hamas.

Carter: Hamas has a legitimate grievance that needs addressing!

Clinton: Uh, I’m gonna go check out the Oval Office, guys.

Bush 41: Memory lane, Bill?

Clinton: Does that hot little blonde number still deliver for Hungry Howies? What was her name…? Rachel! That’s it!

W. Bush: Uh, I’m not sure Bill.

Bush 41 (whispering as Bill leaves room): I heard you inherited a God-awful mess from Clinton, son.

W. Bush: You ain’t jokin’, dad — Laura had to have everything up to and including the curtains and window sills steam cleaned and sterilized. Jenna even found a dog-eared copy of Jugs in the John-John compartment of the desk, along with a half-chewed up cigar that smelled like…

Bush 41 (interrupting): I was talking about the economy and terrorism, son.

W. Bush: Oh… heh heh… I knew that, dad. Just joshin’ ya.

Carter: Speaking of Josh… did you see that Brolin guy in the movie about you, “W”?

W. Bush: No, Jimmy… did you see that half the houses you and those actors built last year are falling down?

Carter: Touche’.

Clinton (running quickly back into room): Did somebody say tush?

Bush 41: Welcome back, Bill.

Obama (barging in): Hey guys! Nice to see you all here. Would you mind taking this into another room… I’ve got some movers are hauling in Rahm Emanuel’s ego today and we’ll need this space.

W. Bush: Sure, we can give you some space… have fun.

Biden (barging in): Anybody got a hanky? F*#@*#g Indian at the donut shop made the coffee too hot again and it hit my mouth and I spewed it all over the carpet.

W. Bush: That ain’t the first time that’s been said in here (motions toward Clinton).

Laura (sticking head into the room): Bushie! Don’t talk like that!

W. Bush: Sorry! Heh heh…

Carter: I think I have a hanky… yeah, here it is. Just be careful not to ruin the Yassir Arafat’s autograph. I think he used a waterproof Sharpie, but I’m not sure.

Biden: Thanks, Jimmy. Hey, I saw your brother Billy last weekend.

Carter: He died 20 years ago, Joe.

Biden: God love him…

Bush 41: Look fellas, I’ve gotta run. I’ve got a skydive at 6.

W. Bush: Thanks for stopping by, dad.

Carter: I’ve got to get going too. I’m due at the U.N. to speak before a committee to be appointed by a panel of roundtable experts from an as-yet-to-be-announced coalition from a bureau of task forces on a topic that’s yet to be decided upon.

W. Bush: Hey, where’s Bill?

Carter: I saw him heading toward the South Portico. Isn’t one of your daughters out there?

W. Bush: Oh my God!

[end transcript]

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: