Red-Planet Methane Levels Indicate Need to Send Al Gore to Mars

This kind of shocking news is proof that NASA needs to take action and send Al Gore to Mars to save the Red Planet:

Nasa scientists have detected “plumes” of methane on Mars, possibly indicating organic activity on the Red Planet.

Large quantities of the gas – which on Earth is mostly produced by living things – were recorded by three huge telescopes during a seven year study.

You know the problem is bad when we’re not even sure if there’s life on Mars and yet there’s already “proof” that it’s over-populated and over-industrialized.

Just in case, something must be done about this now! High methane levels here on Earth triggered the Palaeocene-Eocene Thermal Maximum 55 million years ago — you know, due to horses driving SUV’s, whales using aerosol hairspray, industrial pollution, and of course cows breaking wind — so the same thing can’t be allowed to happen on Mars.

If there is life on the Red Planet, NASA’s methane discovery means that they may soon be suffering from the same global warming we have here on Earth that, just last night, caused my lips to freeze to a beer can. We can’t allow the Martians to suffer in the same way.

I implore the U.S. and world governments to fund sending Al Gore to Mars to save the life that NASA may have just discovered. It’s too late for us, but at least we can freeze to death from global warming in the knowledge that Al Gore is selling methane credits to microbes on Mars and saving them from themselves. We’ll miss him, but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make, and I hope you are too.

It’s the only way to be sure.

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: