Answers to Questions at Next Year’s Miss USA Competition

nullDoes anybody know who won the Miss USA competition a few weeks ago? A lot of people think that Miss California, Carrie Prejean, won. She didn’t. Carrie was the runner-up.

Prejean’s refusal to cave to pressure and apologize for her opinion on gay marriage may have set a dangerous precedent, and made the left regret the question was ever asked.

Because of all the exposure, Prejean’s going to make more money than she ever would have otherwise, especially now that she’s got a gig at Fox News.

Because of this example of how ticking off the PC bunch can translate to big exposure and bigger dollars, here are some responses that we might hear at next year’s Miss USA pageant:

Q: Miss Texas, if you were Miss USA and an attack on our nation occurred, what would you consider your role to be?

A: Well, first I’d pray to my lord and saviour George W. Bush for guidance.

Q: Miss Vermont, what is your life’s dream?

A: To see the death penalty brought back to my state!

Q: Miss Florida, if you’re elected Miss USA, what will you do to promote the cause of animal rights?

A: I’ve been offered a job on a Japanese whaling ship, so I might accept that so I can afford my favorite meal — Rhinovealuga — a beluga sturgeon stuffed in a calf stuffed in a black rhino. I’ll fight for their right… to be in my stomach!

Q: Miss Alaska, where do you see yourself in five years?

A: I think I’d be really good as President Palin’s Chief of Staff. Fingers crossed!

Q: Miss Wisconsin, what is your opinion on the state of health care in America?

A: Has anybody else noticed that this country started its downward spiral around the same time we took the lead out of the paint, the asbestos out of the schools, and wildly over-reacted to the threat of second-hand smoke?

Q: Miss Arizona, should there be a fence along the entire border of the U.S. and Mexico?

A: Absolutely, and it should be constructed from the bodies of people who were shot trying to cross the border illegally.

Q: Miss Montana, how will you give something back to the community if you’re elected Miss USA?

A: If I can raise enough capital, I want to start my own department store chain and use non-unionized labor just like my favorite store Wal-Mart — everybody knows that unions ruin any business. And my company will donate two-percent of all our sales to the effort to keep Gitmo open and to legalize concealed-carry in shopping malls.

Q: Miss Nevada, what are the greatest injustices in this country that have yet to be corrected?

A: Social Security and Roe v. Wade.

Q: Miss Indiana, is there anything that you as Miss USA would do to address the economic crisis?

A: Yes. I’d spend every waking hour trying to make it clear to Americans that Reaganomics is the only way out of this mess and that it was a big mistake to ever elect a black president. As an African-American myself it pains me to say that, but, no offense intended, it’s just how I feel.

Q: Miss Tennessee, as you know, in the past we’ve had issues with contestants posing for racy pictures. If elected Miss USA, can you assure us you’ll maintain the integrity of the pageant?

A: You have my word that the only thing I’ll ever expose is the hoax of global warming. Quick shout-out to Carrie for her stance on gay marriage and for being an inspiration to us all! Go girl!

Author: Doug Powers

Doug Powers is a writer, editor and commentator covering news of the day from a conservative viewpoint with an occasional shot of irreverence and a chaser of snark. Townhall Media writer/editor. alum. Bowling novice. Long-suffering Detroit Lions fan. Contact: