Confess It Like Beckham: Vatican May Form Football Team

Now this could be fun:

The Vatican may one day field a football team that could rival the top formations in Italy’s powerful Serie A, the Holy See’s Secretary of State, Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, said Sunday.

“I do not preclude the possibility that the Vatican, in the future, could put together a football team of great value, that could play on the same level as Roma, Inter Milan and Sampdoria,” all first division teams, the Cardinal said, according to the Ansa agency.

By “football” of course they mean “soccer.” The Vatican team would be unstoppable, and the future’s looking Rosary. 

Just remember this equation: Pope + scepter + big hat = infallible goalie.

Finalist for Quote of the Year: “I don’t want my daughter to be ashamed to cover her face”

You might want to re-read that quote so you’re sure you got it right, because it’s not a typo.

Five months ago, in Grand Rapids, Michigan, about 50 miles from where I sit, an Islamic woman was kicked off a city bus for wearing a veil that covered her face.

It really left an emotional scar, because here’s the cover of today’s Grand Rapids Press:

My question is this, and I don’t mean this in a flippant way — at least not intentionally — but how can you be humiliated if nobody can see who you are? I knew a guy once years ago whose job involved wearing the mouse outfit at Chuck E. Cheese. I said “it’s a little embarrassing, isn’t it?” He said, “How? Nobody knows it’s me.” That’s how I view this bit of faux bus humiliation from the Rosa Parks of the burka.

Wait, it gets better. Here’s the story about this incident, and here’s my favorite quote:

“I cannot express enough how this has devastated me. I was hurt. I was humiliated. I wanted to cry,” said Douglas, who broke down in tears while being interviewed. “I didn’t tell my family members. I didn’t tell anyone at first. But I have a daughter and I don’t want her to be ashamed to cover her face.”

Wow. I guess I just can’t understand this line of reasoning. Culture shock? Well, it’s more like culture electrocution.

Even still, she made an impact. Because of this, the bus system rescinded a policy that barred people with face coverings from boarding. Wow, I feel better already. Are you sitting next to a nice Islamic family, or bloodthirsty Mujahadeen on a virgin-quest who are about to jam an IED up your butt? You may never know. And if you never know, it probably wasn’t the latter.

When we travel to other countries, we’re often expected to “play ball” within the rules of their culture. If my religion involved eating bacon the first Saturday of every month, how accommodating do you think the bus system in, say, Indonesia would be to my “religious requirements”?

You probably guessed it, but yes, the ACLU is on the side of the masked avenger and is seeking compensation. They’ll probably get it. I’m expecting the Unknown Comic and anybody who wears a “Fire Millen” bag on the bus to join in as well.

I’m going to put on a ski mask and walk into a bank and see if I can get the same kind of understanding. Hey, it’s my religion. I’m a Picabo Street-ist.

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Note: If you’re seeing only this post, the entire blog can be accessed at DougPowers.com

Finalist for Quote of the Year: "I don't want my daughter to be ashamed to cover her face"

You might want to re-read that quote so you’re sure you got it right, because it’s not a typo.

Five months ago, in Grand Rapids, Michigan, about 50 miles from where I sit, an Islamic woman was kicked off a city bus for wearing a veil that covered her face.

It really left an emotional scar, because here’s the cover of today’s Grand Rapids Press:

My question is this, and I don’t mean this in a flippant way — at least not intentionally — but how can you be humiliated if nobody can see who you are? I knew a guy once years ago whose job involved wearing the mouse outfit at Chuck E. Cheese. I said “it’s a little embarrassing, isn’t it?” He said, “How? Nobody knows it’s me.” That’s how I view this bit of faux bus humiliation from the Rosa Parks of the burka.

Wait, it gets better. Here’s the story about this incident, and here’s my favorite quote:

“I cannot express enough how this has devastated me. I was hurt. I was humiliated. I wanted to cry,” said Douglas, who broke down in tears while being interviewed. “I didn’t tell my family members. I didn’t tell anyone at first. But I have a daughter and I don’t want her to be ashamed to cover her face.”

Wow. I guess I just can’t understand this line of reasoning. Culture shock? Well, it’s more like culture electrocution.

Even still, she made an impact. Because of this, the bus system rescinded a policy that barred people with face coverings from boarding. Wow, I feel better already. Are you sitting next to a nice Islamic family, or bloodthirsty Mujahadeen on a virgin-quest who are about to jam an IED up your butt? You may never know. And if you never know, it probably wasn’t the latter.

When we travel to other countries, we’re often expected to “play ball” within the rules of their culture. If my religion involved eating bacon the first Saturday of every month, how accommodating do you think the bus system in, say, Indonesia would be to my “religious requirements”?

You probably guessed it, but yes, the ACLU is on the side of the masked avenger and is seeking compensation. They’ll probably get it. I’m expecting the Unknown Comic and anybody who wears a “Fire Millen” bag on the bus to join in as well.

I’m going to put on a ski mask and walk into a bank and see if I can get the same kind of understanding. Hey, it’s my religion. I’m a Picabo Street-ist.

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Note: If you’re seeing only this post, the entire blog can be accessed at DougPowers.com

The Swan Song of the Christmas Carol

As William Shakespeare wrote, “Farewell! Thou art too dear for my possessing.”

That’s the realization I’m coming to as it concerns any public mention (outside the church) of Jesus, or any song that even hints at His existence.

To be perfectly honest, I was naive enough to think my town was safe from the politically correct bandwagon that has been running over ”Christmas” until it looks like ”holidays,” at least for the time being, but on Monday night I could hear the engines approaching and the band tuning up to do some PC fiddling.

My daughter was singing with her school choir in the auditorium. Yes, it was still billed as a “Christmas concert.” Fortunately, I live in a city that is still, for the most part, about 40 years behind the curve as far as embracing political correctness goes.

My little town here in Michigan, in personal comparison to much larger cities I’ve been in, makes Mayberry look like New Jack City. Some days you can almost hear brush sounds from on high as Norman Rockwell busies himself putting this place to canvas. 

People here still wave at each other when their cars pass on the road and, for the most part, know each others names and the names of their kids. When we say “labs” we’re talking about dogs and not meth. There seems to be one church for every four residents. The police drive around giving out suckers on Halloween. There’s a real sense of community — if somebody’s sick and has no money, there’s a collection jar at every place of business. Ditto for kids raising money for their high school trip. People still even go Christmas caroling at times without being handed a temporary court order in response to Michael Newdow’s lawsuit to end the caroling and, just for good measure, re-title “Touched by an Angel” reruns as “Groped by a Figment of Your Imagination.”

Yes, off in the distance, a few hundred yards and down a hill from the window I sit in front of at this moment, is Interstate 96 — a constant reminder that the “real world” is just a stone’s throw away. I have a feeling that world will soon be visiting as it pertains to the area of the Christmas concert I mentioned a little while ago. Why? Well, there are three exits into our town off that Interstate, literally, and, unfortunately, figuratively.

Before the kids sang their final Christmas song, the choir director announced that she was retiring, and then said something that brought me to the realization I’m writing about today: She thanked the audience for allowing the kids to sing songs about Christmas and Jesus.

I repeat: She thanked the audience for allowing the kids to sing songs about Christmas and Jesus.

True, it’s nice that we can still do those things here, but this statement hit me like a bag filled with a ton of bricks and Rosie O’Donnell. There was a reason the choir director said this, and it’s most certainly not because she’s so happy that the trend is catching on everywhere. She seemed almost resigned to the fact that this wouldn’t be happening much longer. The emotion in her voice and expression on her face was one of frustrated and somewhat depressed resignation — one that I only imagine can be replicated by Ted Kennedy after hearing “last call.” 

Somehow I knew that we were witnessing the Swan Song of the Christmas Carol in our town.

Sure, the kids can still sing those songs, and they probably will next year, depending upon who the new choir director is, but when one is genuinely appreciative for still being “allowed” to sing Christmas songs, there’s trouble on the non-secular horizon.

I guess I should count our blessings while they last, but as I sit here looking at that highway off in the distance, I can see the big trucks from the “PC Moving Company” rolling toward the off-ramp, where they’ll careen downhill, lose control as they always do, and spill their contents all over our formerly nice little town.

The choir director can hear them coming, and now I can too. 

One of these years, the kids will be singing “The Twelve Days of Christmas” and the song is going to end with the ACLU maids a-milking a dozen lawsuits.

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Quick note for all my readers in Ireland (all one of you): At 12:45 p.m. eastern time, 5:45 p.m. Ireland time, I’ll be on the Scott Williams radio show on Q-102 in Dublin to talk about… well, I don’t really know, but it should be entertaining. If all else fails we’ll discuss my Irish heritage and put everybody to sleep at the wheel.

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Iran Hosts Conference For Holocaust Deniers — David Duke Shows Up To Add Credibility

At the end of November, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad wrote an “open letter to the American people.” In the letter, which sounds as if it could have been penned by any left-wing American politician, Ahmadinejad makes it clear that he thinks the Jews are responsible for everything from the misery inflicted upon the Palestinian people to the cancellation of The West Wing.

Nowhere in the lengthy note, however, does Ahmadinejad go on to say that the Holocaust never happened. That’s where this week’s conference in Iran comes in:

Iran hosted Holocaust deniers from around the world Monday at a conference examining whether the Nazi genocide took place, a meeting Israel’s prime minister condemned as a “sick phenomenon.”

The 67 participants from 30 countries included former Ku Klux Klan leader David Duke and Holocaust skeptics who have been prosecuted in Europe for questioning whether 6 million Jews were killed by the Nazis or whether gas chambers were ever used.

Tonight the group will hold two evening sessions. The first is “Sir Isaac Newton and the Zionist gravity conspiracy,” and the second will be an awards ceremony for the conference participant who said “Zionist” the most times during the conference (my money’s on Ali Akbar Mohtashamipour — he’s on my wingnut fantasy league team).

As for David Duke, I’m guessing that if he denies that the Nazi’s killed millions of Jews in the Holocaust, it’s only because he thinks the blacks did it. 

Duke is a former leader of the Ku Klux Klan and Louisiana Representative. This is probably why, in comparison, nobody in that state seems to give a damn that William Jefferson stuffed bribe money in his freezer and explains not only his re-election, but also that of Ray Nagin. Louisiana seems to have become the home to a version of political anarchy, where anybody with power gets away with anything from idiocy to criminal behavior. It’s like Somalia with Cajun food.

Before the Holocaust denial conference closes, attendees will be shows the following sneak preview for Mel Gibson’s new movie Apocalypto:

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Imams on a Plane: Racial Profiling, Real Terror Threat, or Sheik-Down Attempt?

“Six imams, two ministers, and a rabbi walk into an airport…” There’s the setup. The punchline is up to you.

Last week, six imams were removed, in handcuffs, from a Minneapolis to Phoenix flight after other passengers reported odd behavior.

The imams said they were only praying before the flight the same way you might pray before eating at a British sushi bar. In protest of this embarrassment, imams, ministers and a rabbi staged a “pray-in” yesterday at Reagan National Airport. No word yet on God’s opinion on the issue of prayer being used to attempt to score political points.

Here’s the AP report of the “pray in.” This story quotes the imams view of the incident, but doesn’t take into account reports from witnesses at the airport that day, many of whom say the imams behavior was reminiscent of 9/11, and others who simply think this is all a cheap attempt at a lawsuit — a sheik-down, if you will.

According to the Washington Times, “Passengers and flight attendants told law-enforcement officials the imams switched from their assigned seats to a pattern associated with September 11 terrorist attacks and also found in probes of U.S. security since the attack.” An anonymous U.S. Marshal was quoted as saying, “That would alarm me. They now control all of the entry and exit routes to the plane.” It would scare anyone who lived through the horrific events of 9/11.

The men asked for seatbelt extensions, although none of them were significantly overweight, talked about al Qaida and Osama bin Laden and walked the length of the plane several times after moving from their assigned seats to positions throughout the cabin.

Some are calling it a lawsuit set up. Democratic Rep. Sheila Jackson is calling it racial profiling and discrimination. Witnesses are just calling it scary.

Yeah, well Sheila Jackson is a moron. Is that profiling? You bet. She’s a Democrat politician, so the odds are that I’m right on the money.

Profiling? Yes, behavior can lead to that. For example, if a guy walks into a bank wearing a ski mask, the tellers get a little jumpy. To the activist, this is a clear-cut case of cloakism.

Now sit back and watch as “activists,” thanks to this “incident,” start using prayer as a method to inflict fear and legal action all around the nation. This isn’t exactly my idea of the purpose of prayer, but hey, we all have different definitions.

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Jesus: The Movie

A new movie called “The Navitity Story” has made its premiere at the Vatican. The Pope was not in attendance, nor was 16 year old actress Keisha Castle-Hughes, who plays Mary.

Hughes didn’t make it to the premiere because apparently she’s a heck of a method-actor – she’s pregnant. Producers thought a 16 year old unwed pregnant actress at the premiere of a biblical film might be way too Hollywood for the Vatican.

The director of The Nativity Story, Catherine Hardwicke, didn’t want the movie to be too controversial:

Hardwicke praised The Passion, but said she tried to do a more uniting film than Gibson’s highly controversial blockbuster about the last hours of Jesus Christ.

“There were some things he did that maybe were a little controversial. We wanted our film to be uniting and make the public see the similarities between religious instead of the differences,” she said.

This is the problem with most biblical movies. If you’re in to avoiding controversy, the last place you should look is the Bible. This is where Hollywood usually tries to spruce things up to remove controversy and add material to intice a modern audience.

I’ve often thought about how the typical Hollywood movie about the Bible comes about, and I imagine the conversation often goes like this:

*****

A producer’s phone rings and a speakerphone button is pushed.

“Mr. Hollywood here. Talk to me!”

“Hi, Mr. Hollywood. It’s Joe Screenwriter. We’ve finally started production on the ‘Jesus’ film, and I thought you’d want to hear the finished script Rubenstein and I came up with.”

“Sure. Who do we have playing Jesus, anyway?” Mr. Hollywood asks.

Papers flip, then Screenwriter says, “Vince Vaughn’s doing it.”

“Dennehy,” Mr. Hollywood wonders aloud. “What happened to the Brian Dennehy deal?”

“Well, everything was fine until Mr. Dennehy put on the sackcloth robe for run-throughs. I don’t know much, but I do know that Jesus shouldn’t have plumber’s crack.”

There is a long pause as Mr. Hollywood thinks. Joe Screenwriter can hear a pencil tapping on a pad of paper. “OK, Vaughn’s fine. Why don’t you let me hear the outline of the script you’re working from.”

Screenwriter picks up his rough draft for “Jesus: The Movie,” flips in a few pages and begins the outline.

“In the first scene, Jesus is born, but He’s not the person everyone thinks. He’s actually the son of Hebrew slaves. His mother, Jochebed, played by Shelley Long, is …”

“Wait,” Mr. Hollywood interjects. “Are you getting your stories mixed up? Wasn’t the mother of Jesus named Mary?”

“No, I think that was Job’s mother.”

“Oh.”

“Anyway,” Screenwriter continues, “after Shelley gives birth to Jesus, she puts the kid in a basket and sends Him down the river.” Screenwriter flips a page. “At this point we’re having a little subplot involving a love affair between two characters named Matthew and Sheena. Matthew is a stone carver and Sheena is his lover who, while Matthew’s away carving stones, decides to explore her own homoerotic fantasies with her neighbor. Ann Heche is playing the part of the neighbor.”

“I hear Heche is a complete nut job,” Mr. Hollywood points out, “Can we work with her?”

“I’ll put it this way,” Says Screenwriter, “We could have spent $4 million to get Heather Graham, but Heche would take the part as long as we agreed to give her $50 in euro coins, a gumball machine and have a priest from the Raelian cult grant her eternal youth.”

“I’ll take a bargain over stability any day,” points out Mr. Hollywood, as he sits back in his chair, takes a puff on a cigar and throws a dart at a poster of Mel Gibson. “Go on, Screenwriter.”

“To make a long story short, the polar ice caps melt due to global warming, which was induced by severe ozone depletion caused by Bethlehem’s Republican mayor having months earlier lifted the town’s long-time ban on leaf burning. The melting ice caps flood the planet, and this prompts a guy named Jack to build an ark.”

“Jack’s Ark?” Mr. Hollywood questions sarcastically.

“The name ‘Noah’ tested horribly in focus group,” Screenwriter quickly explains.

“Gotcha,” Mr. Hollywood shoots back.

“So,” Screenwriter continues, “the boat gets built, and Jack, the two lesbians and a bunch of animals float around for a while, get their shirts wet a lot, and make shallow and mindless social commentary in a cheap attempt to forward a liberal Hollywood political agenda.”

“When does Jesus come back into play here?” asks Mr. Hollywood.

“Down the line a bit, when the people on the Ark discover Him still floating in the basket and pull Him on board. Also, in sticking to the literal interpretations of the Bible, we’ve got Jesus feeding five loafers with two fishes, inheriting the earth for a week and stuff like that.”

“I love it!” opines Mr. Hollywood. “It’s absolutely brilliant! Okay, hit me with the ending.”

Screenwriter flips to the final page. “Get this, boss — Jesus is sentenced to death by Pontius Pilate and led to a cross to be crucified. The last scene will be of Jesus being resurrected three days after His death and ascending to heaven to act as Savior for all mankind.”

“Screenwriter,” interrupts Mr. Hollywood, “we need to stick to the facts, alright? This is the Bible, a book that is hundreds of years old, this is no time for artistic license. Rework the ending and have it back to me by 8 a.m., and put in a dance number. Need I remind you of a little lucrative thing we did called Moulin Rouge?”
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“Welcome aboard US Airways — Today’s flight is expected to be turb(ul)an(ce) free…”

A Muslim scholor named Omar Shahin is calling for a boycott of US Airways after he and five other Imams were taken off a flight operated by that company because they were praying before the flight.

Here’s the real “welcome to America” part. Shahin later asked, “To practice your faith and pray is a crime in America?”

If he thinks this is bad, he should try being a Christian practicing his faith in a public school or government office building. In many ways, the answer to his question is “doi!”

If the boycott catches on, the airline is expected to change their name from “US Airways” to “Whew! Airlines”.

"Welcome aboard US Airways — Today's flight is expected to be turb(ul)an(ce) free…"

A Muslim scholor named Omar Shahin is calling for a boycott of US Airways after he and five other Imams were taken off a flight operated by that company because they were praying before the flight.

Here’s the real “welcome to America” part. Shahin later asked, “To practice your faith and pray is a crime in America?”

If he thinks this is bad, he should try being a Christian practicing his faith in a public school or government office building. In many ways, the answer to his question is “doi!”

If the boycott catches on, the airline is expected to change their name from “US Airways” to “Whew! Airlines”.

Atheism and Mass Murder — Two Tastes That Go Great Together

We hear it all the time: “More people have been killed in the name of religion than of any other reason in world history!”

Dinesh D’Souza takes issue with that statement. D’Souza says that Atheism is much more murderous than religion ever has been.

I disagree with D’Souza’s opinion based on a technicality, because I’ve concluded that Atheism is a religion. The Atheist crusade has become a regular visit to the Church of the Non-Believer. A place where words of discouragement are the daily sermon, and everyone tithes 20 percent of their time to denying God a place in national discourse via protests and court proceedings. In other words, the Atheist’s quest has become everything he or she stands against – a religion practiced in, and forced upon, the general public.